These past six months have been hard.
And I haven’t talked about them — I haven’t written about much, actually, because I haven’t had enough perspective to share these things in the way they should be shared. I’ve been swaying from anger to pity to zen-like clarity, all inside the confines of this here brain. It’s exhausting. Then everything imploded in the last month.
Of course that doesn’t excuse me from not publishing my contributors’ beautiful essays, and from interviewing other young moms, and from continuing to check in on social media. Many projects have fallen to the wayside during this bought of — I don’t know? Depression? That feels like such a loaded and clinical word, and I’m not sure I would have been diagnosed in that way. Let’s just say, during this period of time where Life Stuff consumed Work Stuff, and I experienced all of the human emotions on the spectrum, and some days were really difficult to muscle through. I cried more in the last six months than probably the last six years combined. I’ve also loved more purely, and have been working on maintaining a conscious perspective through it all.
So it hasn’t been all bad. Just all consuming.
I wrote an essay about it, but I’m waiting to show it to my husband before publishing, because it’s just as much his story as mine. So, for now, all I’m ready to say is, “Hiya. Get ready for more content, because I’m back.”
I’m breathing deeply and feeling healthier, and even if this feeling of normalcy doesn’t last for too much longer — even if old wounds re-open and the hazy fog rolls back into my mind — right now I’m good. And right now is all that counts, right?
I started this site because I wanted to be inspired. I wanted to prove to the world (and also to myself) that it’s possible to be happy and successful and fulfilled as a younger mom, despite the statistics and finger wagging and whispery gossip. I needed to carve a space where this was normal and okay, and where we could look to one another for inspiration.
I haven’t been feeling very inspirational.
But at least I can say that I’ve been through some hard marriage-testing months, with anxiety and numbness and stress. And I’m still here, existing, with more clarity than I had before.
We all have our crap to deal with. That doesn’t make us weak or doomed; it makes us human.