We've been debating on whether or not to have a second child for, gosh, almost two years now. We've been up, we've been down — back and forth and back. And even though my silly neurosis about the whole thing has been featured on The Huffington Post and Babble.com and Yahoo! Shine, it goes so much deeper than baby names and photography.
It hasn't felt right.
I'm so very aware that there's no "right" time to have a baby — Noah taught us that, just by existing. And our situation couldn't possibly be worse than it was when I was an unemployed, insurance-less college grad staring at two pink double lines through blurry vision. I know this — I believe this, wholeheartedly.
But it hasn't felt right.
Noah also taught us that some of the most incredible, life-changing experiences go directly against what we could have imagined or planned. He's taught us to trust life — be patient — and not be too rigid in our 2-year/5-year/10-year plans — because the most meaningful growth and self-realization can come from navigating through the unplanned.
More than that, he's taught us that our lives don't have to fit the conventional standard that people keep trying to impose on us. The two-under-two in a white-picket fence — that just hasn't been us. And no matter what us ends up being will be perfectly wonderful.
But I hear about people having a feeling that their family isn't complete — an urgent need to welcome the next family member — and my heart just isn't there, yet. And Justin feels the same way, but Noah?
Noah desperately wants a sibling. ("A brother, a sister, a dog, a cat, and a bunny.") He's named his sister Rose. He carries either his brother or sister around with him, interjecting their thoughts and opinions into conversations ("well my brother says...").
He recently asked if we'd move into a bigger place once we had a baby.
"Do you really want mommy to have a baby, honey?" I asked from the front seat of the car.
"Well yeah. Because if no one's available to play with me, I'll have the baby."
CUT OUT MY HEART AND SQUASH IT, WHY DON'T YOU.
But then something funny happened.
He found a brother.
"He's not my cousin, he's my brother," he says.
We see my nephew Benjamin pretty much every day, and now that he's a little bigger (a little less new), Noah has adopted him as his brother.
And he's happy.
One day, we just might be able to give him the family he wants (hell, I might even be swayed to get a dog and a cat and a bunny), but for now, we're trusting our instincts and the lessons this little boy has taught us.
For now he has a brother.
Read more about the Noah + Ben relationship over on Disney Baby.