There’s been a lot of talk lately about age + fertility (here and elsewhere), and this recent post by fellow “early mama” Amber on Strollerderby got me thinking: How will we approach this issue with our daughters and granddaughters?
Amber starts off with the stats: The average woman today plans to get pregnant seven years later than her mother was with her first child. Seven years. And of course there are reproductive risks with waiting until your 30s and 40s to have kids, which today’s young women are largely ignorant to.
She sums up the issue in this sentence: “Should we be educating our daughters on the risk they take in delaying the start of their family, or would doing so be perceived as an attack on the independence women have fought for and gained in recent decades?”
This really is the question, isn’t it? How do we emphasize the importance of reproductive expiration dates without trapping young women, pressuring young women, stressing young women? How do we encourage our daughters, our granddaughters, to fulfill their professional and personal goals — which they’re all capable of — while still reminding them that fertility doesn’t last as long as we’d like.
How do we do this?
How?
(P.S.: These photos are of my 23-year-old sister.)
I think just making young women AWARE is enough. Until I found this blog I really did not think about this issue at all. I grew up knowing I would go to college, and I should get a career, then get married, and THEN have children…my parents didn’t necessarily teach me this, society did.
Now I am just graduating college (this week actually!) and I already got married to my high school sweetheart last August. We didn’t mean to get pregnant right away but I did and had an early miscarriage. Since then I’ve had ANOTHER early miscarriage so the doctor told me to get tests done to see if anything is up.
If there is some specific problem causing these miscarriages I am so glad I found out at 22 and not 32!!!
I’m not saying all young women should try to get pregnant right away in case they have problems but they should at least be told the possible consequences of waiting until much later.
Very good point, Amanda. I’m so sorry to hear about your miscarriages. I’ll be sending plenty of positive vibes your way.
For my sister and I, positive body image has always been tied to fertility awareness and general health. We would talk about how eating well as teens was especially important because our bodies were getting ready to be pregnant later in life. It made having curves feel so special, because we knew it was a blessing to be strong for our future babies. Even though neither of us are planning on getting pregnant soon (I’m 18, she’s 15) we definitely are aware of youth and fertility. So thanks, mom!
i struggle with this questions, i made the decision to be an early mom, it was what i wanted, i thought i wanted to stay at home 100% . we put both kids in part time daycare at 1 to be around other kids and were happy with the choice they learned and grew so much from it. and recently i was offered a job which started as just when the kids were at daycare and has turned into fulltime which i am happy about & the kids have adjusted great. i am loving my job but still struggle with well once they are in regular school i wontbe able to be the one picking them up because i will have to work & i don’t wanna miss out. i find myself making a goal in my head that by then ill own my own shop & can make my own hours around the kids, have a safe place in my shop for them to hang out after school…then i think ill be over 30 by then is it too late for this? i would never regret my decision to be a mom at 22 but if i had done it the other way i may already have a shop of my own. not sure how i would explain how i feel about this to my daughter without sounding like i am pushing her one way or another
I didn’t get married until this past August at the age of 29. Granted my now hubs and I talked about how if I ever did get pregnant before we were married we were prepared and would be fine with it. I understand that at an early age there’s more energy and eggs for that matter, but there’s also the possibility that you just had a baby with someone that you may not grow with into your 30′s and 40′s. I can guarantee that the guys I dated in my teens and early twenties would not appeal to me now. The majority of problems begin to happen at 35+ when a woman is considered “advanced maternal age”. We’re just starting the process of having children and I’m grateful I had the experiences I’ve had prior to starting a family.
Just saw this! This topic totally fascinates me. I think I am as puzzled by the decision to put motherhood off until late in life as some women are by my decision to have 2 kids before my 25th birthday.
This study sort of reinforced my suspicion that there are a lot of women out there that really don’t know how much fertility decreases with age.
Not that this is a recent to run out and get pregnant, but I still think it’s something we should be aware of. In high school I thought you could get pregnant super super easy.
Later when I started trying to get pregnant I realized that wasn’t the case at all.
Just saw this! This topic totally fascinates me. I think I am as puzzled by the decision to put motherhood off until late in life as some women are by my decision to have 2 kids before my 25th birthday.
This study sort of reinforced my suspicion that there are a lot of women out there that really don’t know how much fertility decreases with age.
Not that this is a recent to run out and get pregnant, but I still think it’s something we should be aware of. In high school I thought you could get pregnant super super easy.
Later when I started trying to get pregnant I realized that wasn’t the case at all.