If there’s one time of the year that I’m happy to be an early parent, it’s during the holidays. A time to see the lights, the Christmas trees, and the tacky blow-up reindeer through a long-forgotten perspective, and to remember when holidays weren’t about obligations and chaos.
Justin and I typically aren’t fans of tradition for the sake of tradition. We’ve always tended to see through the smoke screen; to ask “why?” more often than most.
Except, apparently, when it comes to starting our own traditions. And then we’re all in.
So far we’ve established quite a few Christmas-time traditions in our cozy little three-person family.
Although Justin and I had quite a debate pre-Noah about how extensively we’d promote the idea of Santa Claus, it’s firmly been established that Santa has a place in our home. And I was the one pushing for that. Mostly because I don’t remember being disappointed, or even angry, when I found out that Santa didn’t really exist. It made sense. In fact, it made me look more realistically, more analytically, at life from that point on. I learned to ask more questions and demand a logical answer, rather than blindly believing that an elderly man with questionable cholesterol breaks into our house every year via a non-existent chimney and accept cookies as payment. (But leaving the door unlocked? Unheard of.)
But what I do remember is lying awake every Christmas Eve, willing myself to hear distant sleigh bells. The energy bouncing around my moonlit bedroom.
How can I take that away from him?
Yet I’m surprised at the twinge of uncomfortableness I feel about Santa. We read about Santa, sing about Santa, recognize Santa, but he’s just a character to him — much like Mickey Mouse or DJ Lance Rock. I’ve never explicitly said that Santa is a living, breathing person who will set foot in our house. Even though the child in me is all for believing in magic workshops and itty bitty elves, the parent in me is having some trouble with the lying. I’ve never brought him to sit on Santa’s lap, I’ve never used Santa as a threat (“No peas? No Santa!”), and I feel this weird resistance that I’m trying to fight.
Does anyone else feel this way?
All things Santa aside, I still don’t want to raise a materialistic child. And this child — the first grandchild, first great-grandchild, first nephew, first great-newphew, first son — isn’t lacking in the materials. This child, who regularly has toys and clothes delivered to his doorstep via mommy’s job, is no stranger to gifts.
So Santa brings three gifts every year: something to read, something to wear, and something to play with. Mommy and Daddy then buy one special present. Last year our special present was a play kitchen, and this year we bought him a dollhouse. (FYI: We bought it in a Cyber Monday sale.)
In case you’re wondering, Santa is giving him these B.Toys Stackadoos as his something to play with, and this incredible Wizard of Oz scanimation book as his something to read. (We’re undecided about the something to wear portion, and his stocking will most likely contain some little play figurines and a new Thomas train.)
Another tradition is weeding through his toys and donating them to less fortunate kids, which Noah was surprisingly willing to do this year. Although, to be honest, we do a lot of donating throughout the year, too.
Justin and I don’t exchange presents. In fact, we never have — again, with the anti-tradition. Oh, except for last Christmas when Justin bought me a Nook Color and 3 hours worth of spa treatments, and I bought him…nothing. Because WE DON’T EXCHANGE GIFTS. I never knew it was possible to feel so excited, humiliated, and guilty all in the exact same moment.
We did start a tradition last year, though. We exchange an ornament that symbolizes the year for us — and nothing else. (Nothing else, Justin.) So that way we have an entire tree full of memories and milestones to look back on.
We couldn’t make any final decisions on an advent calendar this year (although it wasn’t for a lack of research), but I like the idea of doing something like this and filling each pouch with an ornament to hang each day. Or maybe with a craft or activity to do.
Do you have any unique holiday traditions? Are you anti-Santa? Pro-Santa? Weigh in!
Phototography: Nikki Addimando and Chris Grover; Photo Styling: Noah Horton
I am for Santa, though after reading this i am sure i will think more before i use him as a threat lol. but it comes from my childhood. i always remember christmas being a big deal in our house from the time it was just my mom & me, with very little money my mom still made the holiday magical & i never remember feeling like i was lacking and we always had a christmas eve party with my mom’s family. after she remarried now with 4 brothers in the home christmas was huge but even though as a child i was excited for gifts i found more excitement & joy in searching for the perfect gift for the people i cared about weather it was a the little gift shop that was set up in my elementary school each year or more expensive things at the mall. and even after i knew the was no person named Santa my parents still made a big deal of the holiday & i still got a present reading “to Jenna From Santa” every year. and most would say my brothers & i were spoiled but i really think those years it was just mom & i & how she raised me through out the year is what kept me from being “spoiled rotten” and made me grateful for everything i had and loving “spoiling” the ones i love. i just hope i can raise my kids to be the same , love christmas & giving & while being excited when they receive a gift not expecting it! Happy Holidays!!!
@Jenna: I STILL receive presents from my parents that say “Love Santa.”
I agree, I hope I can do the same that my parents did. It feels much riskier now as a parent though, doesn’t it? We see it as materialistic, but I certainly never felt that as a kid. All in all, I just hope I can recreate some of that magic and excitement in the spirit of giving.
I love these pictures. SO cute!
We don’t do Santa at my house, but we still watch all the Santa Christmas movies and such. I have instructed my daughter that she CAN.NOT. spill the Santa-not-being-real secret to other kids.
@Tracie: Was it the lying? Or more of a religious reason?
I have the same issues here. How do you do a non-materialistic view of Santa? And explain it to a three year old.
@Joy: I’m not quite sure. Justin and I have agreed to emphasize the charity of St. Nick, and to try and avoid the “if you’re good, then Santa will bring you presents” aspect. There’s just something about equating good behavior with “more stuff” that doesn’t sit so well with us.
Thank god! It is awful being a teacher and having kids say “Do I get a prize?” Me: No, you didn’t do *it* (whatever “it” is) correctly. Them “but… I did it.” The sense of entitlement is maddening. So I’m so happy to know that there are families teaching children that good behavior does not mean prizes/gifts/etc!
We celebrate St. Nicholas as part of our Church traditions, so St. Nicholas is celebrated in our home, but not Santa. We have told our daughter that Santa is just this country’s version of St. Nicholas. This website has helped us with different ways to celebrate http://www.stnicholascenter.org/pages/home/ I love that the original story involves charity, so it’s super easy to not get caught up in materialism when we celebrate his feast day. We do hang up stockings and fill them with chocolate coins, a clementine and a small activity. As part of our Nativity preparations we make sure we go buy a present for children around our daughters ages that live at a local women’s shelter. For the past few years we don’t have enough money for tons of presents so we our girls only get one gift. That’s it. It’s usually something they also need, like clothing or a backpack. This year it will be pajamas. They get so much from their grandparents that we may just do away with presents from us all together and just focus on giving to others in the future.
@Miriam: That’s really nice. We’ve talked about focusing on the charity aspect too. Thanks for the link!
I wouldn’t say I’m anti-Santa…but I’m not pro-Santa either. I guess it’s because I never grew up believing in Santa so I don’t think it’s a big deal if my son doesn’t believe either. I guess we’ll make a decision next year because this year Liam will be just flit months old for his first Christmas. Hah. Totally not aware of the holidays going on.
@Kristel: Was it hard to keep that secret as a kid?
Michelle, first of all, these photos are AMAZING. I mean…gorgeous. I love every single one of them.
Second, I’m all for Santa for the reasons you listed — the excitement you feel and willing distant sleigh bells. Every kid deserves that time in life when anything is possible. There’s plenty of time in adulthood for doubt and skepticism.
Third, Doty and I don’t do gifts for each other either and then a lot of years he breaks the rule just like Justin. So annoying and awesome just like you said.
@Amber: Thanks! And I do agree. Looking back, I have nothing but good memories from that time.
I definitely know how you feel, but that magic feeling of Christmas when you are a child is just too special to take away. And let’s be honest–it’s so much fun as a parent to see the joy in our children for that magic too!
Ok, I’m about to voice my not yet a parent opinion here (but see as I’ve worked with 23 6-7 year olds everyday for the past three years,I feel qualified enough to chime in on this one) Keep Santa in Christmas! Santa doesn’t have to bring the whole toy store with him to your house. He doesn’t have to become the be all end all of the holiday either. To me, he doesn’t represent greed and materialism but rather magic and make believe. Children are the only people who posses the ability to still fully commit to both magic and make believe for this small window of time in their lives. My *favorite* thing about my 1st graders is their willingness to pretend and play make believe. The best day I ever had at school was the day I convinced my whole class that leprechauns were real and one by one the kids started “seeing” them all over school.
Also, I agree with Jenna– as an adult I now love giving gifts to my family and seeing how happy it makes them. And lord knows Santa always left me more presents than necessary under the tree. So I truly believe it is all about how you are raised the other 364 days of the year.
@Stephanie: I definitely understand the need for play, pretend and imagination, but there comes a point when parents are frantically trying to insist that Santa is real, even when kids start to get skeptical. We’re VERY clear that Santa isn’t pretend, so doesn’t it kind of blur that line of reality and pretend play? Your kids were having fun with the leprechauns and deep down they knew they were playing pretend. They didn’t ACTUALLY see little men popping up (I hope!). But they have this imagination and desire to play, which is wonderful. They aren’t imagining Santa, though. Parents go to extremes (dressing up like Santa, mailing out wish lists, having Santa call on the phone, etc.) to make sure kids know that Santa is very real. And that he’s watching you at all times. I’m just wondering WHY we’re so serious about this!
And there’s just something that bothers me about telling kids that they’ll get more presents if they’re good, and threatening that Santa won’t bring presents if they’re bad. BUT that being said, I know it’s all in good fun, and I don’t want to take that magic away. Santa will be a part of our Christmas, even if it makes me a tiny bit uncomfortable. At the end of the day, kids aren’t scarred by Santa, and it’s just a fun memory.
My parents put minimal effort into the Santa Legend. We laid out treats each year (port and fruit mince pies, instead of milk and cookies, and hung our stockings up, after coming home from driving around admiring Christmas lights. There were no phone calls, no letters, no threats, and yet…
I earnestly believed in Santa Claus until one my school teachers spilled the beans when I was 11. Yes, 11 whole years old and I still believed, quite honestly in Santa. I was devastated when my teacher accidently revealed the truth! But, to my mum’s credit, when I approached her (privately, away from my sisters, who I assumed still believed as much as I did) about why she had lied to me, she said: “Santa is real, if you believe he is.” I accepted this, and went on almost believing for a bit longer.
The point being that, if your child’s desire to believe is strong enough, you won’t have to do a whole lot. Noah will absorb Santa info from the people around him, and all you have to do (if you want to) is let him believe it.
Well said, Stephanie!!!
Thanks for writing this post. I’ve been looking for ideas for Christmas traditions for our little family. My son will only be four months old this Christmas so he won’t remember anyway, but hey, that’s okay. I referenced your blog post on my own blog so I hope that’s okay. I definitely love the idea of getting our son something to play with, something to read, and something to wear.
@Kristel: I’m glad you like it! I’m not quite sure where I got the idea, but it was definitely from searching on different blogs. I’ve seen several versions on it, like “something to read, something to wear, something you need, something you want.” Congratulations on your little boy! He’s absolutely adorable — I checked out your blog.
[...] no matter how uncomfortable I might feel with the tradition. (Read more of our holiday traditions here, most of which we determined during my [...]