I’ve mentioned before why I like the term “early” mom rather than “young” — most specifically because being a “young mom” can mean different things to different people. For many people, the term automatically means teen mom. For others, a 25-year-old is a young mom. And for those who believe in putting off parenting, a “young mom” is anyone under 30.
Early mama is a term for anyone who started parenting at an earlier than expected age — whether it’s earlier than society thinks is appropriate, earlier than you expected to get pregnant, or earlier than any of your friends/peers. And even though our society as a whole is pushing back the average age for first-time mothers, 20-something parenting is more common in some circles than others — more specifically, some regions more than others.
A reader emailed me last week to talk about this issue in particular. She’s a 27-year-old pregnant woman in Brooklyn, which is definitely on the earlier end of the spectrum in that area. Seeing that I live about an hour and change away from her, I definitely relate to her sense of isolation — although I got pregnant much younger. But she said that when she lived in Oregon, she had dozens of 20-something friends who were starting families — and it wasn’t considered young at all. Yet in New York, she doesn’t know anyone under 30 with children.
So here’s my question: Where do you live, and what age is “normal” to start having kids in that region? Also, if you know a lot of young moms, did you still feel like people were stereotyping you? Statistics are statistics, and this generation of 20-somethings is putting off pregnancy more so than any previous generation. Not to mention that the media, movies, TV shows, etc. often portrays first-time moms as being older. When was the last time you saw a “young mom” on TV that wasn’t labeled as a “young mom” (think Gilmore Girls, The Secret Life, Casey Anthony, etc.).
When it comes to the average portrayal of a mother, I see that as being a 30-something woman (as a New Yorker). But what do you see?
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I was ready to have kids when I was 30. It took awhile, so I had my first when I was 32. We live in San Diego area, I think it is more common where I live to be an older mom.
I live in Canada where the average first time mom is 29.6 but the regional average varies a lot, with rural/northern moms getting started a lot earlier.
I live in Vancouver, where it’s much less common to have a baby before 30. Even my mom, who started her family in the 70s, waited until she was 32 to have her first baby. I think I surprised a lot of people by having a baby at the “young” age of 29.
I grew up in Massachusetts, but moved to Southern California after college in 2007. I’ve noticed a big difference between expectations here vs. there. Only one of my East Coast friends has a baby, but nearly all of my friends here are married with a child or one on the way. I think 23-27 is the average in Southern California for a first baby, at least amongst my friends and coworkers, and it’s more like 27-32 in Massachusetts.
I agree that it is regional. When I was in Utah, working as an RN, I felt old (even though I was only 22!) I had patients that were working on their 2nd or even 3rd babies – and that was considered normal. Then in Washington, DC, I felt really young. I got married and my classmates in my graduate program were floored that I would do that in grad school. Now, in North Carolina- I feel ok. My classmates in grad school here (I transferred from DC) are very supportive. When I was pregnant last spring term there were 5 of us pregnant and due in the summer. I was/am the youngest mom at 25, but I felt like I have a good support group of student moms. Just 4 hours south of DC is a completely different culture regarding motherhood and age.
I live in western mass right now. Where I live it is normal to start families in the early twenties-25, quite a few people marry young also. I live in towns that are mostly white people, but in the surrounding cities around me which is mostly black and puerto rican ethnicity groups 16-20 is very common to them to have babies. My best friend is 20 with a one year old, and a lot of my close friends who are 20 and 21 also have children.
I should add I am 19 with 5 month old triplets