09.22.11
We talk a lot about today’s “young mom” minority, at least when looking at our generation as a whole. There are less 20-somethings choosing to start families than ever before — even less than the Gen-Xers. And of course Gen-X women were the original Put-Off-Parenting trend-setters, quickly spreading like an epidemic.
And as I’ve said 87 times, early parenting isn’t for everyone. I think it’s incredible that women have more options to create families that are right for them, whether that means waiting 10 years or opting out of procreation altogether. But there might be an even bigger reason why younger parenting is becoming a more isolating, unconventional lifestyle – more so than in any previous generation.
Because this generation — the Lost Generation — is taking the longest to grow up.
According to a CBS News article this morning, the newly released 2010 census shows that 20- and 30-somethings were hit hardest by the recession, resulting in a record-setting number of young adults moving back in with mom.
It’s not the first time we’ve heard this, of course — boomerang kids, failure to launch and the Peter Pan syndrome have all been used to describe this generation. Whether it’s unemployment, coddling “helicopter” parents or just a shift in our society’s priorities, there’s been a critical, undeniable change. A lot of the kids from our high school graduating class, from our college party circles, on our Facebook Newsfeed, aren’t just putting off becoming parents — they’re putting off becoming adults.
It’s no longer the soccer moms vs. the career women, but the adults vs. the adolescents. I’m sure every generation has had young adults who needed a little more time to grow up and leave the nest — a little more time to figure out a plan — but now it’s become the norm. It’s now far more common for 20-somethings to hold down jobs (not careers), party like it’s 2004 and then go crash in their parent’s house. Or maybe an apartment that their parents help pay for. It’s far more common for 20-somethings to wander from year to year, never too concerned about where they’ll end up.
I’m not saying that delaying adulthood is detrimental to our society, but it’s putting an even bigger (canyon-sized) divider between us and them. It’s not just a different path, it’s a different speed — which can make it harder to find common ground with our non-breeding friends. It can also make us feel like we’re missing out on an important part of growing up.
But that’s when we have to stand back and realize that the typical “20-something stage” was newly invented. And although it might look alluring and free, most of them are feeling a little lost.
Also check out: Backlash to Gen X: Is Young Motherhood a Trend?
12 Comments to The Lost Generation
Kim
September 22, 2011 at 8:01 pm
Just browsing through my Facebook newsfeed supports this to the t. Even my ‘older’ friends have put off growing up and taking on responsibilities. Definitely puts a wedge between us and them when “they” start only seeing us as the friend with kids instead of just a friend. Oh well I would choose this life over nights I would never remember anyway.
Jenna
September 22, 2011 at 8:24 pm
this is all so true, which is also why those who are young moms need a place like this to relate! most who i went to school with are still partying like they are in college, even though they have been done with school or years. some people we are friends with who don’t have kids look at us like we are crazy when we are happy to be relaxing , watching tv & off to bed by 9:30…they would rather get drunk…not for us!!! i try not to judge because i am not in their shoes but sometimes i just think to myself, when is it time for you to grow up?
Amber
September 23, 2011 at 2:18 pm
I’m glad to see someone my age address this topic. Perhaps social media makes me hyper-aware of it, but there is definitely a growing divide.
When I started my family at 22 I knew I would be the only person that had children for years to come, but I thought by my late twenties (now for me eek) that the gap between our lifetstyles would feel a little less…well gaping.
Perhaps it is the economy or the fact that more and more women are choosing to start their families later in life, the progress made in fertility treatments that make that more of an option. At any rate there has been a definite shift!
Heidi Oran
September 23, 2011 at 2:32 pm
Great post. I had my first at 23 and where we lived briefly, it was actually the norm to have families younger. Where I am from it is not the norm.
I agree that that this is the Lost Generation. I recently wrote a 2 part series about it actually after learning about the term “Quarter Life Crisis”
A completely different set of problems than the generations before.
aquariann
September 23, 2011 at 2:44 pm
Great Atwood quote, and so true. I have a career and a house and a soulmate … but the idea of having children still terrifies me and I’m about to be pushed out of my 20′s. However, I feel like the minority in blog land – there are so many mom blogs out there!
Veronica
September 23, 2011 at 2:48 pm
I agree entirely. I feel I cannot connect with most of my peers because they seem to be stuck in some sort of arrested development.
Jen
September 23, 2011 at 5:44 pm
This is so true! I feel like all my old HS and College friends are still in the part-time job during the day, party all night mode. Thats all fine and dandy, but you need to grow up at some point. They don’t have dreams or ambitions and its pretty sad. Although, I must say, it is somewhat beneficial that this Generation is waiting to have kids. Being in the right mind set is key, we don’t want kids raising kids.
Rachel Faucett
September 23, 2011 at 11:17 pm
Michelle….I agree with you…When you have children…you definatly
cannot relate as well…a little divide..I had a friend tell me…It really bothers me when you…Stop to answer your toddlers question…when we are on the phone. Well,when the kid is holding his privates..yelling ..POTTY…POTTY…I have to say something…I have two weeks into potty training…I have to say something…Quickly! Now she has 2 children…and is always talking to her kids…I just smile to myself:)
Robin | Farewell, Stranger
September 24, 2011 at 4:06 am
That’s true, and a really interesting perspective. I didn’t have a child until I was 33 (and thank god – I couldn’t have handled it sooner). But I did quit the 20-something partying after I graduated from university at 21 (or shortly after). In the time between that stage and having a child, I grew up – as much as I’m going to anyway. And I really think it was important for me to do that.
I think there’s something to be said for having some time as an adult before you have kids, or at least that was important to me. But I think there’s also something important about having time as an adult that doesn’t involve partying and all that comes with it.
Tiny Blue Lines
September 24, 2011 at 1:01 pm
My brother just went through this. At his age (23), I had a husband, a house, one toddler, a baby on the way, and held down several different jobs. It was frustrating to see the differences in the way I had to grow up and the ways “the lost generation” refuses to do so…In their defense though, I think a lot of young adults in that situation aren’t happy about it, and tend to get stuck in a the stagnation. Even more so, and I think you touched on this, is that it’s hard for young moms if the trend of floundering around even after college is becoming “normal.” I hope we can all appreciate that we are the ones that have it all together–and that’s what admirable, NOT sleeping in your parent’s basement.
Heather @ Side of Sneakers
September 24, 2011 at 2:30 pm
There’s definitely a growing divide- I first noticed it when I continued my education after college, and most of my friends moved home with their parents or worked an odd series of jobs just because they could. {It had nothing to do with the economy at this point.} I guess I’m technically in my late twenties and having my first baby, and I feel a little late in the game, yet everyone around me thinks I’m SO young, blah blah. It’s definitely a different attitude than it was when our parents were our age.
Kate
October 11, 2011 at 8:42 pm
I agree for the most part, although despite being a young mom I feel part of this whole `lost generation` business. I became very ill when I was pregnant and had to drop out of college, and my husband is unable to make enough money for childcare so I`m a SAHM out of necessity.. and yeah, we live with my parents, but we are renters, not freeloaders.. they have a walk-out basement apartment that we rent due to the fact that the cheapest rent around here is $2000+.. more than we could afford. Sigh. Someday we`ll get ahead, but right now we`re just trying to make do and work toward the future. There`s no adolescence here.