09.2.11
Next up in our “Why I Love Being a Young Mom” series:
If you’re stressing about professional goals, worried about important hobbies, convinced that you’ll never be able to achieve the achievements you set out to achieve, here’s something to think about. This reason initially surfaced after reading all of your comments and emails, but the final shove was from this Momversation video called “How Has Motherhood Changed You?” (that WordPress won’t let me embed for some reason).
In the video, Stacee Bucciarelli of Medieval Mom said that when it comes to her personal goals, she once had a successful career in television — even going back to school for Medieval Literature. Yet when she held that tiny baby “everything went out the window. Ph.D? Poof! TV Career? Poof! Everything was gone. I just wanted to be a mom,” she said.
And then Liza Sinclaire from Blahhgy.com weighed in, saying that even though she totally hates to be this type of a mom, she feels like she “has a purpose” now. She spent 10 years pursuing an acting career, but she never felt like she had a purpose before becoming a mom.
The moms went on to agree that motherhood gives you “a whole new perspective,” and how “things you thought were important before are no longer important; and the things you thought weren’t important, suddenly become the most important things in the world.”
And all of this, as you fellow moms know, is true. But this is coming from older moms who established careers, lives, before becoming moms. Of course I won’t put words into their mouths and say that they regret building their careers for so long. I’m sure they became mothers exactly when they were meant to and wouldn’t change a thing. But some women have a baby and suddenly feel the need to change the world — not only for their own kids but for everyone else’s children. Some women have an urge to do something more, something else. Some women have an unexpected surge of creativity and ditch their 9-to-5 gigs for something more fulfilling, more meaningful. And some women are compelled to do nothing other than be the best moms they can possibly be.
Many women feel changed.
Beyond that, so many inventions, books and works of art were sparked by parenting. So much success is directly linked to motherhood. The Wizard of Oz was created from bedtime stories. Heather Armstrong, probably the most famous mom blogger in existence, now makes between $30,000 and $50,000 a month writing about being a mom, and is Forbes’ 26th most influential woman in media. Many of our favorite Etsy shops exist only because motherhood gave them the creative drive to make it happen. Some are older, some are younger, but they all found themselves on drastically different paths than they planned.
Does that make pre-baby goals unimportant? Of course not. And I don’t think we’re ever too old to readjust our dreams. We’re constantly evolving and changing, beyond motherhood. But when motherhood often makes our pre-baby preoccupations seem trivial, or encourages new discoveries and ideas, we have the advantage of making those realizations early.
Motherhood refocuses, redefines, what we think and feel — and often times what we do. So while our society tends to think motherhood is the end of our individuality, it’s actually the beginning of who we’ll become. I, for one, am happy to have taken the faster route to that person. And in that respect, we’re the lucky ones.
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Note: The first picture (the goals clipboard) was created by Maiko Kuzunishi, a mom behind the popular Etsy shop Decoy Lab. Maiko credits motherhood for giving her the fearlessness and drive to start her successful shop.
9 Comments to Reason #13: Refocused Goals
Edy
September 2, 2011 at 4:29 pm
This made me cry. Thank you for posting this. It hurts somewhere deep inside when people or society suggest that being a young mama makes me some kind of victim. The whole, ‘but think of what you could’ve done’ attitude is so bewildering to me, because I truly believe that being a mama to my girls is THE MOST AMAZING thing I could have ever done..and I thank God every day that I’m able to do just that. I didn’t expect it, and I would have never dreamed it, but THIS is where I’m supposed to be and who I am supposed to be. And I don’t feel like I’m missing a thing
MIchele
September 2, 2011 at 4:31 pm
What’s the ‘age limit’ of being a younger mom?
michellehorton
September 2, 2011 at 5:16 pm
You know, I really don’t put an age on it. I always tend to say 20-something moms, but I think being a “young mom” is so subjective to your community, upbringing, religion, job industry, peers, etc. I do tend to think society as a whole looks at 20-something moms (and of course teens) as being on the “early” end of the spectrum — before some might think you’re ready to be a parent. But I think it’s more about your own perspective and your own unique circumstance. Some women grow up in areas where having kids at 23 is the norm, while others are 28 and have absolutely no friends with kids (or even considering kids yet).
Tiny Blue Lines
September 2, 2011 at 10:03 pm
I love posts like these, because they are so true. I definitely re-shifted my priorities when Ada was born. I just realized how much I wanted my time away from her to “count.” If I have to work, I want it to be something I enjoy. That being said, however, there has been a difficult balance for me as I’ve had to work as a nurse to pay the bills even though it’s not really my passion. The good thing is, being a young mom gives me some time to work on it.
Hannah
September 3, 2011 at 1:29 am
Love this… Becoming a mom gave me a new outlook on life. I wouldn’t change where I am now for anything.
hilary
September 3, 2011 at 2:04 am
I have mixed feelings about this post, mostly because I feel like at the moment, I am not where I want to be, and in some ways that is because I’m more confined to making enough money/not having enough time or commitment to making a change… but I’m okay with that for now. I know it’s not forever. I am not making a change in my life right now in favor of stability for my family and myself. I agree with your last paragraphs, “the beginning of who we’ll become”. But I am at the very start, so I am not seeing whole path yet…
michellehorton
September 4, 2011 at 11:20 am
I get what you’re saying Hilary, but I meant more about our bigger life goals and our perspectives on life rather than just our jobs. I think a lot of women change in ways they never expected before having a baby, and some preoccupations (maybe strict diets, maybe long-term career goals) don’t matter anymore. And new ideas and ambitions and hobbies that they never thought of suddenly matter. And I think that most moms – no matter when they have a baby – feel like it’s a gigantic risk to make a change, especially if they’ve invested 10+ years into a career. I think it’s an incredible gift to be able to mature and change into the person you’re meant to be earlier rather than later.
Deanna (Silly Goose Farm)
September 7, 2011 at 1:43 pm
I had my first child at 22, my second at 23. I’m now 25, and I still feel I’m able to accomplish everything I set out to do. Having children makes all of my actions more purposeful, because I don’t have the luxury (if you would call it that) of just frittering time away. Everything I do has to either fulfill me in some way or make my children’s/family’s life better. I also feel I’m teach my children valuable lessons by including them in my success and failures, and show them that no matter the situation, you can always keep your head above the fray and soldier on to have every single thing you want in life. Determination, kindness, compassion, and a sense of self are the keys to achieving all goals, despite what obstacles (yes, children are sometimes obstacles!) pop up. I love that I am able to teach my kids that!
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