Jumping back into our “Why I Love Being a 20-Something Mom” series*, here’s another reason to add:
A few weeks back, I asked a question on Facebook: What will you say if your grown child asks, “When is the perfect time to have a child?” And many of you basically had the same response: Although there’s an “ideal” time to have a child (when you’re in a committed relationship, mature enough to take care of yourself, have some financial stability, etc.), there never really is a perfect time. Yet it will all work out as it’s meant to.
Then I branched out and asked outside the “early mama” community, just to see how different the perspectives would be. I asked my family, I asked older moms, I asked non-breeding friends, and one consistent response surprised me. When you accomplish everything you want to accomplish.
What exactly do you mean, I’d ask.
Traveling, finishing school, being “director” or “executive” or “deputy” of something, getting married, nailing down that Nobel Peace Prize, taking care of orphans, running a 5-minute mile, getting a book deal, winning a hot dog eating contest, competing in a national triathlon, living in Europe, fitting into a size 2…
But I guess that’s what we’re taught, right? Get it done before you have kids, before your entire mental capacity is jam-packed with spit-up and feces and silly voices. You won’t have time to study abroad, finish a degree or make a name for yourself (other than “mommy”). You’ll never be a star. You’ll never change the world.
And here’s where I grab them by their collar and scream nose-to-nose, YOUR LIFE IS NOT OVER.
Your life is not over. Your life is not over. Your life is not over.
In fact there’s something to be said for showing your children exactly how you accomplish goals — with perseverance and patience. There’s something to be said for watching your parents go from Point A to Point B, building a life from the ground up. Watching mommy study for her exams and then cheer as she accepts her hard-earned diploma. Seeing mommy and daddy pledge their lives to one another and blissfully dance around the dance floor, giddy with excitement. Hearing mom’s tiny seed of an idea at the dining room table one night, only to watch it blossom into a full-grown business over the next 5 years. Seeing it all happen right before your developing eyes.
There’s something to be said for teaching children to pursue their dreams despite any and all obstacles.
I’ll always remember dancing around the living room with infant Noah on my hip after getting an interview at Babble. Showing Noah what my brand new business cards looked like before anyone else. High-fiving Noah when the design for Early Mama was up and running.
So while it might be easier to “accomplish everything you want to accomplish,” it’s also kind of boring. Ordinary. I have a little person watching my every move, waiting to cheer and laugh and dance around the living room. And that just makes the accomplishments all the more fulfilling.
*I changed the name of the series from “young mom” to “20-something mom,” only because many readers have commented that the term “young mom” often = “teen mom.” And I have no experience being a teen mom, although I always welcome their perspective. Let me know what you think.
22 Comments to Reason #12: Sharing Your Accomplishments
Jennie
August 24, 2011 at 7:28 pm
It breaks my heart when women think their lives are over simply because the brought forth life. In so many ways, it’s just beginning. And you were given a gift to love, and guide and direct. And what better way to mold this new little mind than by application in your own life. Lead your children by example. Our children are an extension of who we are- not the death of our very being!
Great Post!
Jenni
August 24, 2011 at 7:38 pm
I agree, completely! My daughter was my 16th birthday present, she’s now 11, and I have a 5 month old son. Although I will never condone teen sex or parenting, life happens. It was wonderful to recently complete my degree with my daughter cheering me on, as I set an example for her. My little family is my motivation, and my reason to live! Being a young mom has been a blessing, not a burden. I couldn’t imagine being an ‘old’ mom and having to listen to different music and shop in different stores than my children!!
Tiny Blue Lines
August 24, 2011 at 7:45 pm
Michelle, your writing is always so inspiring, my poor office chair has taken a beating from my jumps of enthusiasm on it. Just yesterday, I got my first article accepted and who was the first one to do a dance of excitement with me? My three-year old, my Ada Marie, my “unplanned” joy. So much fun!
michellehorton
August 24, 2011 at 7:47 pm
YAY!!! So happy for you!!! Where were you published?
Jenna
August 24, 2011 at 8:07 pm
I agree, Michelle! I know being too young of a parent can be stressful to day the least. but i agree that it is good to show our kids how to accomplish goals, & reach dreams, & most important how to work hard. & lets be honest if we wait until we do everything we want most would be 50′s or older by the time they got everything they wanted done, and i think i can speak for a few other moms when i say having kids was on my list of things to accomplish & i am so glad they are here to see my husband & i work hard, love each other, travel & reach our life goals, and i will be young enough to see my kids reach some if not most of theirs !
Jessi
August 24, 2011 at 9:14 pm
Amen!
I was a longtime subscriber to the “do absolutely everything you could possibly ever want to do before having kids” philosophy. Then, at a certain point I realized something.
Do you know what happens after you finish doing everything you could possibly ever want to do (or, okay, just about everything)? You start to relax. You start to get complacent. You get used to living life at a little bit slower of a pace. And, guess what babies require? Stress. Chaos. Being overwhelmed. Long days, long nights. If you’re completely settled, you’re probably not used to that anymore. But if you’re still in the middle of all of the insanity of building your career, marriage, relationships, home, etc.? You’re already trained for the marathon, you just have to start running.
I’m really pleased that I will be having my first while my husband and I are still in the middle of the gogogo stress of being in our early 20s and starting our careers. It’s exciting because I know we’ll be exposing our child to what it really takes to build a life together. It’s completely rewarding and full of joy, but it’s not always easy and it takes a lot of work. I think there’s great value in growing up with that knowledge.
Faith
August 24, 2011 at 9:59 pm
I love this! I would like to meet someone who did everything they wanted to accomplish and then had children because I don’t think that person exists. I don’t think I could ever run out of dreams to fulfill or goals to chase. If I did, I might as well not be alive anymore. I don’t know what could be better than sharing the best years of life with your children.
Fannie
August 25, 2011 at 12:25 am
So True!
Thank You for the uplifting post. I started my first day of graduate school with a 3 month old today. I had my backpack and my breastpump bag in hand. I pumped in my car – twice. Tonight I’ve been going back and forth between entertaining and feeding my baby and studying (ok, and taking a break to check facebook…). Finding the balance is going to be hard work, but I know it will be worth it in the end. And I can’t imagine my life without my sweet babygirl. No matter how sleep deprived I get, I know it will all be worth it. Life goes on, it’s crazy and busy and messy and fun and full of love. My capacity to love and feel loved and excitement and happiness (as well as anxiety and stress) had quadrupled since I’ve had the privelege to meet and take care of my beautiful baby.
Life’s an adventure. Might as well include the babies in the adventure, too.
Megan
August 25, 2011 at 3:35 am
Michelle, I can’t thank you enough for this site. I briefly freaked out when I found out I was expecting last November, even though my hubby and I were trying to have a little one before I went back to school for my Ph.D. (I already had a Masters). However, once I found this site, I knew I was not alone. I feel more excited to start grad school next fall (as long as I get accepted!) because I get to share it with Elliott. I even decided to return to teaching at the end of 6 weeks rather than in the spring, and I know it was a good decision. My husband and I have a million things we want to accomplish in our lives and we never considered waiting on kids until then.
Adorable side note: On the top of my husband’s “things to accomplish in life” list was “Be a dad.” So, check that off the list.
Thank you again for this blog!
michellehorton
August 25, 2011 at 12:07 pm
I’m so happy this site has helped you, Megan! Congratulations on little Elliot (which is SUCH a cute name!). And good luck with your PhD!
Jenna
August 25, 2011 at 1:08 pm
i agree with you 100%! when do dreams & goals stop?! you could wait forever to have kids if you wait until you accomplish EVERYTHING. and sadly who knows when our time is done, most don’t live to accomplish EVERYTHING they dream of, why not share those dreams with people you like, like your babies
Hannah
August 25, 2011 at 1:32 pm
I love this reason! I just started my third year of medical school, and we’re expecting our first baby in a few weeks. Sure, it would maybe be easier to have waited, but then again, when does a doctor’s life ever calm down? Why not have a baby now, while my life is stressful but at least I’m young, than later, when things are just as crazy but my body isn’t as resilient? I can’t wait to tell her how her presence helped me keep perspective as I studied during second year, or about how she was inside me the day I aced my USMLE exam. I’m already envisioning her cheering for me the day I officially become a doctor. My mom got married when she was 18, started having kids by 20, and went to college in her 30s. I was so inspired by her, being a mom and a student, and I hope my daughter will be inspired by me.
michellehorton
August 25, 2011 at 1:39 pm
Good for you, Hannah!! Good luck in medical school!
christina
August 25, 2011 at 1:58 pm
I totally agree with this post! I wonder how anyone thinks there is EVER a point in life where you have accomplished everything you want to accomplish? I’m pretty sure that’s why people don’t want to die, because there is always something else we want to do, learn, experience. Having a baby doesn’t end the desire or need to accomplish things, if anything it increases your motivation and sparks new ideas and interests. If you wait until you’ve “done everything you want to do” to have a baby you might as well wait til you’re dead. My husband and I always said that we want our kids to live life with us, not end our lives. And you have so much more fun experiencing things with your kids and seeing their excitement than you would by yourself.
Lacy
August 25, 2011 at 5:08 pm
This is fabulous. I couldn’t agree more. Thank you for posting this!
cindy
August 25, 2011 at 6:00 pm
If I waited to absoutely everything I wanted to do before having kids, I would be dead!
Beth
August 27, 2011 at 7:13 pm
I LOVE this reason, and I completely agree. I have three children – two delightful elementary-school-aged stepkids and a 3 month old. Talk about choosing early motherhood- I married into two kids when I was twenty! Now I am 23, in my last year of college, and I wouldn’t have it any other way. I have some pretty lofty goals for myself, and I love that my kids get to witness my determination and share in my victory celebration when I achieve those goals.
Kate
September 18, 2011 at 6:06 am
Ah, I needed this. So so so true. Thanks again for all your inspiration and kind words when we need it most! : )
Grace M.
September 29, 2011 at 2:46 pm
Amen! My only obstacle to having kids was waiting until the hubs finished grad school.
I want my kids to celebrate when I get my first book deal and help me open the box when I get my personal copy in the mail. I want them to see me working hard to write the stupid novel (it’s already taken 3 years) and learn what perseverance means.
Isn’t that the point of children? To share your life and experiences with them? If I did everything I wanted to do before I had children, I wouldn’t have anything left to experience with them. How sad!
Lea
February 28, 2012 at 1:42 pm
I know for a fact that my mom-in-law did not get her nursing degree till AFTER she had 2 children. You can totally still accomplish goals AFTER children. It may take more stamina and patience but its achievable.
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