08.2.11
Continuing with our Why I Love Being a Young Mom series, I give you the next reason…
Besides the fact that 20-something moms have more time to have more kids, how about the fact that we’re able to have kids at all? I told you about the article where an older woman urged younger women to think about their fertility before prolonging motherhood, yet I was still shocked to see the statistics: According to the Washington Post last year, women lose 90 percent of their eggs by age 30.
The data was collected by the University of St. Andrews and Edinburgh University in a study that basically concluded “use ‘em or lose ‘em.” Of course it’s important to know that we still have 30,000 or so eggs left by the start of our 30s — and many women can still easily get pregnant for years still — but starting in our mid-30s, fertility more quickly declines with every passing year.
We should all just be thankful that this extremely common scenario (wrapped up in a strangely entertaining package) isn’t us:
That’s not to say we wouldn’t have been able to get pregnant in 10 years, but it may have been a more trying, stressful, regret-filled road. We can never know for sure how our “what ifs” would have panned out, but at least in this option, in this life, we have our children. And regardless of money or status or world travels, our children are what matter the most.
And for those who had or are having unexpected pregnancies (like me), do you have a sense of relief that the decision was made for us? Because if I waited for “the right time,” who knows if it would have ever happened. I didn’t intend on conceiving a child — not for many years — but it’s the best decision I never made. A decision I’m thankful for every single day. Because no matter what’s ahead in my fertility’s future, at least I have him.
This weekly series is simply meant to highlight all of the reasons we’re grateful for our early mama lives, regardless of the assumptions that we should have waited. It’s not meant to put down any other path, but only to encourage the moms who started early. If you have a reason, email me at michelle@earlymama.com.
14 Comments to Reason #9: Fertility
Jana
August 2, 2011 at 7:58 pm
Thanks for seeing a part of the picture a lot of people don’t see. It took us much longer than anticipated to conceive. It was a very difficult and trying time for us. It is far more comforting to me and others like myself when someone with an unexpected pregnancy is grateful for their situation. It was so hard to hear people complain about their pregnancies as I struggled and desired it so much.
michellehorton
August 2, 2011 at 8:03 pm
I can imagine, Jana. I think it’s so important to look at any pregnancy as a blessing — something to be thankful for — rather than to be fearful of. A pregnancy always brings the most significant, meaningful change in your life that you’ll always be thankful for, no matter how unprepared you are. My heart breaks for those struggling with infertility (I’m happy to see you were successful, though!), especially since it’s more common than I originally thought.
Tiny Blue Lines
August 2, 2011 at 8:26 pm
This is a good point–and one I sometimes feel guilty about. I talk and write so much about my unplanned pregnancy, and I often worry about the impact that it has on people who struggle with infertility. My difficulty with accepting my unplanned pregnancy can serve as just another smack! in the face to couples struggling to conceive–the age-old stigma of young moms getting pregnant with babies they didn’t “want” in the first place.
Thanks for talking about all of these issues Michelle. And WOW to the stats on the 90% & 30 thing–that was news to me!
michellehorton
August 2, 2011 at 8:29 pm
I know, it’s shocking. The article says that our ovaries haven’t evolutionary caught up to our ability to live longer lives – and it will take another million years for our biology to catch up to our new society. Isn’t that nuts? Our fertility actually peaks in our late teens and early 20s. Not that we SHOULD have babies that young, but that’s when it’s the easiest for our bodies to do so.
Jenna
August 2, 2011 at 8:33 pm
Several of our close friends (all of whom are older than us) have or had trouble getting pregnant. It’s heartbreaking to watch them go through that.
Because they were the conceptions stories we were familiar with when we started trying we started a good six months or so before we actually wanted to get pregnant, assuming it would take at least a little bit before something stuck. I was knocked up within a few days of us starting.
Threw a wrench in some of our plans but we’re so greatful to have that problem as opposed to the alternative.
Alexis
August 2, 2011 at 9:29 pm
Love this!!! So tru…..my lil abbie was not planned but the surprise is more than we could have asked for!! We love her sooo much & counldnt picture life without her now that she has arrived!!! & maybe one day in the future she will have a sibling….
Gizella
August 2, 2011 at 9:57 pm
I am so glad I read this. It really makes me feel good to read. I was 23 when I had my son and now I am 26 with a 2 week old girl. We planned our pregnancies and our family has been very supportive if our decision…but I guarantee there are people in our circles that don’t agree wit our decision. I wanted to be done having children by the time I was 30, regardless of our financial standings. My thought is, can you ever really truly prepare for the “right time to have kids?” Who knows if we will ever be 100% financially stable. I can provide for my kids, so what if I can’t afford all the frills in life? That’s not what is important to me, it’s my kids, and I am so thankful for the decision we made.
Gizella
August 2, 2011 at 9:58 pm
Sorry for the typos
Gizella
August 2, 2011 at 10:09 pm
Jenna, both times we started “trying” we got pregnant too. And I have a lot of friends and family in their 30s who have had a very hard time trying to conceive. It really is heartbreaking to watch, I could not imagine what that is like.
My brother in law and SIL had a hard time conceiving their son…took over a year of trying, they finally got pregnant while on a trip to Italy, of course while not trying haha. They are both in their 30′s and very well off financially, I always feel like we are being compared to them.
christina
August 4, 2011 at 11:39 am
I didn’t know about the 90% egg loss by 30 either. So interesting. Ironically, your chances for conceiving twins increases if you’re 35 or over because you start releasing more than one egg at a time (unless you’re like me, of course.)
Alise
August 11, 2011 at 7:38 am
No one thinks about infertility in your early twenties- until you live with it. I have PCOS, and I ovulate rarely, if at all. I’m 21, and have had two chemical pregnancies and one miscarriage (10 wks) in the past couple of years. I can’t imagine what my life would have been like if my husband and I had waited for kids. My OB/GYN told me that we were really fortunate, because birth control pills mask the signs of PCOS, so many women he sees don’t find out until they are in their mid-thirties or so, when they can’t get pregnant. We have another decade, which means its likely that we’ll be able to have at least one child, with the option of trying for a second or third later on.
Cara
August 14, 2011 at 4:14 am
I wish that I would have thought about infertility earlier in my 20′s. I decided at 24 to try and have my first baby and 2 years later I am still trying. I often wonder if I would have tried when I was 21, 22 or 23 if I could have a baby already. It is a double edged sword because I wasn’t ready then but I also may never get to have my own baby now.
michellehorton
August 14, 2011 at 11:04 am
Fertility typically doesn’t start to decline until after you hit 30, and 24 is still pretty young. Don’t beat yourself up over a couple of years. But I’m so sorry to hear about your struggle.
Lea
February 28, 2012 at 1:02 pm
Now, I am not sure where I fall in this “early mama” thing, since I did have my first child in my 20s, but it was LATE 20s. like 28. (well 27 when I first was pregnant) So I lived the college life and all that first. But I have had 2 pregnancies since I turned 30, (one I am in right now… lol) It might be harder for first time triers to start after 30 though, I suppose?