I told you before how we were debating about when/if to have a second baby — whether it’s responsible to have a second when we were barely ready for a first — and I’ve reached the point where I need another baby.
And it’s consuming.
I talk about it pretty much every day, pop it into unrelated conversations, pester my husband with So, about the next baby questions. I talk to Noah about him being a “BIIIIIG BRUDER,” as he says. And I know we had reasons, good reasons, sensible reasons for waiting — they just don’t seem good or sensible anymore. Justin wants to move to “the right” school district and “the right” neighborhood. Eh, we have three years for that, and Noah’s nursery school is around the corner. We want more space. I mean, a baby doesn’t need an entire extra room. And I’d like them to share in the beginning anyway. We want to be more financially stable. But will we ever have enough money? Is a bigger house more important than our child?
I’ve reached the point where I don’t care where we live, what we buy, how it logistically happens — I want to bring our next family member into the world as. soon. as. possible. Yes, mostly for Noah to have a sibling semi-close in age. Sure, it’s partly because I’d like to be done procreating sooner rather than later. But, above everything else, I just want to meet our next family member waiting in the wings. I think because we were so blind-sighted by our first pregnancy, we wanted everything to be just so before the second one. But will that ever be the case?
I’m not saying we’re going to start trying anytime soon, but it’s going to happen. And I can’t wait for that day.
How did you know you were reading for baby #2? Do you ever wish you waited a little longer?
I got pregnant again lol… not that I was necessarily ready but it happened anyway. My first was 6 months old when it happened. Now they are 11 and 12 and I now have an almost 7 month old.. nice age gap
My little one is almost 2.5, so I don’t have any chance of them being SUPER close in age. I’m actually not sure I could have handled having them that close, like you did! I’m sure you love having them so close in age now.
I say you will never be 100% ready, in anyway, and as my stepdad aways says, ” the more money you make the more money you spend” so at the end of the day everyone always wishes they had more money… we waited about 14-15 months after our first was born to start trying, and we were so blessed to get pregnant in about 2 weeks! so our kids are about 2 weeks short of 2 years appart, and i wouldn’t change a thing! it was tough at first, my daughter didn’t totally get what was happening and was not happy with me for a week or so after we brought our son home but know he is her best friend and life is great!
I said it when I got pregnant and I’ll say it again now; meh, it’s never the perfect time. I’m very excited for you! Do you think it will feel strange trying for one after having experienced the joy that is surprise pregnancy?
As for second babies and me, until I can imagine it, it is not on the table for discussion.
I think it will be VERY strange trying for one. It’s such a monumental decision to make. As stressful and unnerving as our unexpected pregnancy was, at least the decision was made for us. And I absolutely felt the same way you did about a second baby until a few months ago….and then something clicked.
We waited, oh we waited!!! We were not even ready to think about #2 until #1 was 2 and then it was a maybe. When he was about two and a half I got the itch and it took another 6 months or so before hubby was on board and then a while to get pregnant. Our first was three weeks shy of being 4 and I love their age gap! They are now two weeks shy of 6 years, just turned 2 with #3 due end of June! (and then I am really, really done!) For me, it was knowing I was emotionally ready, and then everything else would come.
This sounds VERY similar to what might happen to me! I JUST started feeling like I was ready for the second baby and Noah is 27 months — and I’m not sure my husband is quite as ready as I am. So I know it will be awhile (and then taking into account just how long it might take to get pregnant), but I’m hoping to shoot for a 4-year age gap at the most. We’ll see! I’m SO glad you like that age gap!
Obviously my situation is COMPLETELY different, but I just wanted to give you some encouragement on the whole “being ready” aspect of having more than one kiddo. We bought a two bedroom house expecting it to accommodate at least two small kids and wound up having three all at the same time. There are some things you just can’t prepare for! Yeah its a little cramped but we feel like we have plenty of room for everyone. I think it will be good for them to have to share their space. As long as you both want another one and your finances are stable enough to care for their everyday needs I wouldn’t be too worried about waiting until you have more space. Our family motto, whether we like it or not, is the more the merrier
You have such a fantastic attitude, Christina. I often think to myself “If she can do it so graciously, I can too!”
And when do you know you are ready for number 3?? Because then there will be more kids then parents. That is our dilemma. Because although I have a 2.5 and a 9 month old, we want them to be 2 years spaced like the first two. But 3! Again the whole being outnumbered thing is a bit frigtening. More so than have possibly having 3 babies under 4. I say you should go for it. Good luck! As a friend once told me, “enjoy the summer of love.”
Go for it. You’ll never be 100% ready, I promise.
My first was unplanned and he was born 2 months before my 21st birthday, by the time he was 6 months old i had the itch but decided to wait as i wanted to be married when i had a second baby like you,I always thought about waiting until everything was right and in order with finances and living space.I was on the copper IUD good for 10 years and 99.9% effective. Well that .01% failure rate= Me! I got pregnant around my boyfriends 25th birthday and my son was about 8 months old by then. Reality Struck that I was going to be Mom of 2 under 2 at the grand ol age of 22. I now have an 18 month old toddler and a newborn creeping up on the 3 month mark and just Last week my parents shared the secret, You will always feel like somethings not in order and you will never feel like you have enough money to cover everything you need as far as bills, food and clothes go. So basically we will probably always feel like were in way over our heads or frantically treading water to try and stay afloat and that = life. So In my opinion i think youre right in trying for baby #2 even though you wanted to wait for more money and a larger living space. Itll all work out in the end
AH! I have the copper IUD too! At this point, I honestly wouldn’t mind if the decision was made for me. Then I’d really know it was meant to be!
Here’s my 2 cents:
You are never completely ready financially or space wise for children, what is important is that you are emotionally ready.
Do you feel you have had enough alone time with your first baby?
Have you and your husband been able to do things together that will be more difficult with a second child in the house?
Are you willing to give up all that extra time you think you don’t have right now with one?
These are all things I thought (or didn’t think about) when considering a second. But if you feel that YOU (the individual) is ready, then it is just a matter of convincing your other half that this is an emotional decision, not a fiscal or physical decision.
Good luck, I know this is a hard decision!
Very good points, Sabrina. Helpful points. I do feel emotionally ready, especially considering Noah would be around 3.5 – 4 years old and I have him such individual attention during those formative 3 years. The time thing…that’s bothering me a little, only because I work when my son is at nursery school or sleeping. But I just feel ready in every other way. The husband is another story…
We got pregnant with our second when our son was 15months old. She was a very happy accident. We had talked about when we wanted to try for another baby on our son’s first birthday. And we had decided that we would wait until he was 2 to really start trying. The day we found out we were pregnant with our daughter, my husband was laid off from his job and we went from doing really well to barely scraping by. But in all honestly, we wouldn’t have it any other way. Either one of us having a job would be fantastic but we’re making it and we’re happy, that’s all that matters.
I got the itch when my son turned 2. 4 months later we are pregnant and were not trying. So my itch was scratched for me
I think we do need to be responsible, but if we wait around forever to be “ready” it could take a VERY long time! A little bit of insecurity and fear is a good thing; it means you are planning ahead and trying to do whats best for you and your family.
Thank you, Rachael!
I was the same way as you! I had my first little one so unexpectedly (we got pregnant just as we were starting our relationship) and so I didn’t want the next one to be unexpected but planned. That actually didn’t happen but at least our first is 2 years old and will be almost 3 when his brother is born in September. We’re in a much better place as a couple and as parents. We don’t know how we’re going to do it with two but we’re not freaking out either. So I do it! Ha =) Good luck with whatever you choose to do!
I waited and waited and waited for what I thought would be the right time to have another baby and never found it. And as my daughter got older and older, and the idea of starting over in the parenting department started sounding crazier and crazier, I started saying things like, “You know, I don’t really want any more kids,” Or, “I’m really looking forward to being an empty-nester at 35.” It was a lie. Shortly after my daughter’s tenth birthday I finally admitted, “I really want another baby.” We were pregnant a month later and now we have the Peanut. The point is, I didn’t really feel like I was done. I still don’t feel like I’m done. All of the questions on age-spacing and finances and school districts, they all work themselves out. The only question that matters is whether you have the desire and the space in your heart to love and care for another human being. If the answer is “yes,” then you’re ready to have another baby.
The timing is never perfect….never ever. I had my first at 23 and my second a few months ago at 34! haha! I was ready when my first was 5, but waited for the “timing to be right”….I think I would have had 4 babies by now had we not waited. I had a career after being a stay-at-home mom with my first and now I stay at home again. I think it would’ve been easier having them closer together. I think the longer I waited, the more selfish I tended to be. I say go for it! You’ll never regret it!
Deciding to TTC #2 was odd. I never felt that huge ‘itch’ like I did with my first baby, it was more a set of circumstances clicked and we decided to go for it- like we always wanted a 2-3 year age gap (our boys will be 2 years & 4 months apart). DH was fairly stable in his job, we were already in a good, baby friendly routine. It was funny to think with my head instead of my heart, in fact our plan was to TTC for a while, and if I didn’t fall pregnant, we’d stop for another year or two and then try again.
Good luck with the decision making, sounds like you’ve pretty much decided anyway and it’s just about getting DH to come to the party!
After having our first child it took me quite a while before I was ready to think about doing it again. I would look at those brave moms with “Irish twins” and even the oh-so-common ones with an 18 month old and a newborn and silently shudder. And then my little girl was 2 and a half and she was so grown up in so many ways! I needed another wee one who needed me. We’re a military family so our family planning is at least partially dictated by whether a) Daddy is here now, b) we can expect Daddy to be around for the next 9 months, and c) how long after then next 9 months do we think Daddy might still be around. This is why so many military spouses have kids at the same time! (Usually about 9 months after they come back from a deployment). #2 is due this summer, two weeks after #1′s 4th birthday and we couldn’t be happier. And trying is fun – at least it was for us. Lots and lots of lovin’!
I totally know what you mean, I’d LOVE a third!
I think there’s never a ‘perfect’ time to have another child. You could always be more financially stable, or have achieved more. We had Charlotte (our second) very quickly after Hunter (our first). Friends and family thought we were crazy, but it was right for us. The joy she has brought us more than makes up for any compromises we have had to make.
If you feel the time is right, it probably is.
Thanks Khali, so glad to see you over here! I’m such a fan of your blog. And Charlotte and Hunter are adorable names!!
We just had our second baby; our first is almost 4-years-old now. We always wanted a 4-year age gap between children, so when that time came we decided to just go for it. I, too, had intense baby fever and, despite the fact that the hubby and I are both still young, still working on our degrees, still not financially comfortable…we knew there would never be a *perfect* time to have another baby. So, here she is! And I couldn’t. be. happier.
Best of luck, Michelle. I know you’ll make the right decision for your family.