When I was 15 years old, I was standing at the espresso machine at a coffee shop I worked at. A boy came up behind me, put his hands on my hips and slightly scooted me forward to squeeze past. I could have had that same encounter 40 different times with 40 different people, but I still remember the way I felt in that exact moment. I never understood why I kept crossing paths with that boy. Why I would feel light-headed every time I’d see him walk through the restaurant door. Why — despite our wildly different personalities and lives, despite the fact he always had his guard up, despite logic and judgement and other boyfriends — he made my heart race. After five years of on-and-off contact, drunken phone calls and late-night visits, I remember saying to my friend, “Why do I feel so drawn to him?” It wasn’t his personality, because he never opened up to me. It wasn’t loneliness, because I was always jumping from one relationship to the next.
It was because he was my husband.
That moment in the coffee shop, I was still a child. All of my coming-of-age experiences — going to high school, having my heart broken, going away to college, dating the wrong boys, working my way through school, living on my own — they all happened with him weaving in and out of the background. And then when we were a little older, more experienced, more mature, it just clicked. And we knew.
It’s as if we grew up together, but also grew up because of each other.
Yet the reigning assumption is that young relationships simply don’t work. Someone even told me that it should be “illegal for people to get married before the age of 30.” And I’m not so much talking about marriage — love is love, regardless of a signed document — but people assume that young couples are doomed to grow apart, resent one another, divorce. They don’t believe that I’ve experienced enough of the wrong men to appreciate the good. I couldn’t possibly know what real love is before a certain age — because, obviously, your age correlates to your emotional depth. That’s why you see so many 35 year olds making brilliant life choices.
My opinion? It’s exactly these negative messages that make young couples feel doubtful and doomed — especially those with children. A young marriage AND kids? Oh honey, just file for child support and save yourself the trouble. But is anyone capable of judging another’s capacity for commitment? Fidelity? Love? Regardless, those warnings are always in the back of our minds. And when a relationship gets a little rocky — which they all do — those warnings might be convincing enough to throw in the towel. We never had a shot to begin with, who are we kidding?
But as the father of my child, this will always be worth fighting for:
What do you think? Are young relationships (especially paired with young parenthood!) doomed? Or is it just the discouraging messages that we have to overcome?
I totally agree with you! I was actually 15 when my husband and I began dating (I am 25 now). He is 4 years old than I am, so everyone said the same thing, “that he only wanted one thing”. Everyone said it was just “puppy love” and once I got to college we would grow up and grow apart. Luckily, we never listened to those people. We definitely had our ups and downs, but as you said, there was always something that just drew us back together. I truly believe that because we went through those dramatic high school and college years filled with their ups and downs together, we have the foundation to make it through anything. I am so thankful that we didn’t listen, because now we have a wonderful home, a loyal pup and a beautiful 5 1/2 month old daughter and we’ve never been happier!
This gives me hope … I am also dating someone who is 4 years older than me… my parents think the exact same thing as those people did. I’m glad I’m not the only one
Amen to that! I met my husband on my 18th birthday (he was 16), of 22 years, cruising central (Phoenix crusing strip long ago) and we are still happily married. I think people give up to quickly and ‘want their freedom’. A word of advice to couples….wake up every morning and ask what you can do for your spouse and quit thinking about yourself!
My husband and I got married when we were 20 and 21 and 9 years and 3 kids later are still VERY happy (although we do have our bad days of course!). I hate all the negative messages associated with young marriages too and I agree with your post 100%. I tell people too that we “grew up together”. We learned together how to run a household, how to pay bills, how to do everything! I don’t regret a thing! We’ll be married till one of us dies, I promise you. We will always fight for our marriage!
I love this post. I have long said that the high divorce rate among people of my generation is largely in part due to their lack of commitment to the marriage – their ideas that the grass is always greener, that everything is supposed to be so, so simple and effortless all the time. And I believe it’s that youthful, inexperienced outlook on the world that is at the root of so many divorces – more so than age or any inability of young people to experience true love. We give up when the going gets tough. But like you point out: It’s always going to get tough. Of course, I certainly believe there are genuine grounds for divorce. But I don’t believe that all young couples are destined for failure.
p.s. The picture of your husband and son is a goose-bump-causing example of “a picture worth a thousand words.” That couldn’t possibly have been said any better.
Exactly how I feel, Aela. Miss you! And I’m so glad to see you in such a happy and healthy relationship (via Facebook)!
This is an incredible post. Dan and I shared our first kiss when I was 16. We officially started dating when I was 19 and a month later he enlisted in the military. That first year we saw each other for one week. The next three years were spent living on opposite coasts (a year of that he spent living on the ocean!) Almost everyone told us, daily, it couldn’t work. There was no point in trying, and we were going to regret for the rest of our lives, “wasting” our 20′s on something that was doomed from the start. 6 years of marriage and a beautiful son later, I would like to assure the doubters that our love was worth the wait.
I love your story, Kelly. You and Dan have one of the sweetest relationships I’ve ever seen.
That is love
I love this post so much! My husband and I grew up together in the same small town but it wasn’t until he went to the Marines, and I went to college, that we started a friendship. We had to grow up before we were right for each other. We have to overcome these messages. My husband and I have a goal to be the counter example of how young people married and with children can live happy together forever and succefully raise children with good morals and values. I cannot get enough of this blog! Such a great idea.
I love how you said “we had to grow up before we were right for each other.” That’s the exact line I should have used in this post. I feel the exact same way. We weren’t right for each other at 16 and 19, but we ended up being the perfect match.
Just wanted to pop in and say that I love reading your blog and also that I am so happy to see the response you have already gotten!! xo
JEN! Thank you! I’ve been wanting to text you but I lost all of my numbers. I’m going to email you now.
As you know, my situation is a little bit different. I found my love at 21, but he was not so young, at 35. Still, we both knew very quickly that this was it for us, and I think it was really difficult for the people in my life to get that. It’s funny though, even though I was married at 23, I make the same judgements that you’re talking about. When I hear of young couples getting married, I think they’re foolish. And I’m one of them! It just goes to show how ingrained that kind of thinking is within our society.
ME! TOO! Did we have this discussion? Or was I talking to someone else about this? When I see young people getting married my initial thought is “wow, really? So young?” It’s like instinctual or something. And then I realize how hypocritical that is. It’s true — it’s just part of society. Probably because there are so any poor examples shoved down our throats.
Yea, I think we did talk about this. But I don’t think there was a single topic we DIDN’T cover during our commutes
For me, the early marriage coupled with parenthood didn’t work. (Although I don’t think its a relationship that ever would have worked – with or without children). But on the other end of the spectrum, my cousin married her high school sweetheart at 20, and eight years later they are one of the most stable, loving couples I know. Every person and every couple is different, and your age is not a number.
I love this line: “because, obviously, your age correlates to your emotional depth. That’s why you see so many 35 year olds making brilliant life choices.” SO true.
Well, I mean, so true in a sarcastic sense….
i love this too! we were married at 19 and 22 and although most people didn’t say anything, i could tell they were itching to just lay it all out and let us know we were making a huge mistake. i have never regretted getting married that young. we have both learned a lot about ourselves that we wouldn’t have known had we not been married. of course we have had our rough times and still have to work really hard at our marriage, but i love it because it is worth fighting for like you said. bottom line: divorce can happen no matter what age you get married. if you both put your interests behind what your spouse wants, it will work.
I was 21 & my husband was 29 when we got married, so i was young, and i guess if you go by the under 30 age so was he. and we had kids right away. and don’t get me wrong we have ups and downs like very couple, and kids add stress. but i think if you are ment to be it will work out, as long as you work at it, no matter your age. personally i think some people are just uncomfortable with what is not the norm for them and some more vocal & rude about their thoughts! no one but you can judge where you are emotionally or if your relationship with will work.
Thank you – this has given me a lot to think about… it just may inspire a blog in the future. In all my psyc classes, we learned that the brain continues developing well into your 20′s. I once (years) told my S-man that I wouldn’t marry him before he was 27 because of what I knew about neurological development – for him that was a relief. It isn’t that we cannot make good decisions when we are young, but it is more difficult. It isn’t that age equals maturity, because it clearly does not in many cases. Maybe it’s just a percentage thing that leads to these stereotypes. I like your idea that these presumptions can actually damage young people into believing that they are incapable and creating an excuse for them to not be the best that they can be. Each person is an individual and some are more capable than others. The responsible thing is to know your individual capacity, but ignoring the naysayers can be difficult. I certainly hope that you never buy into the negative messages that others try to feed you – or that I do not either.
That’s a point that I think about a lot. I think “well they say your brain doesn’t fully develop until 25….” and to be honest that terrified me. But now that my husband is 27 and I’m turning 25, I’m hoping we’re in the clear! It’s funny you bring that up, because it’s something I often think about.
I’ve been married to my husband for 10 1/2 years. I’ll be 29 this summer. You do the math
. Yes, we were young; some might even say foolish. But we were also two people who went into this with eyes wide open and some very definite goals. There’s a difference between two people who marry young because “hey, there’s nothing better to do,” and two people who marry young because they see it as the beginning of a life together.
Wow! I love that, Jeanne. So encouraging.
I myself am in a committed “young” relationship…he’s 20, and I’m 21. We’ve been together for 5 years. I was his first real girlfriend, his first kiss, we lost our virginity to each other…we lasted four years through his high school, and recently we will finish the first year of his college (that he goes to an hour away, btw, so it’s also been kind long distance for the past year). Despite all of this, I have people telling me constantly we won’t make it. They tell us because we haven’t really experienced other people yet, we will grow to want other people in the future. They don’t say “most people do…” they talk as if this is totally inevitable. It’s so discouraging, but more than that, it’s frustrating. We’ve made it through more than some couples 10 years older than us, and yet everyone still thinks we’re too immature or we’re going to break up.
Mya, I know how you feel. I’m 19 right now, and with my bf 18, we’ve been through alot, more than own parents have, granted they DO cause half the problems. We’ve caused our own fair share of havoc and trouble, and people say we are cute but too young to “know.” …but at the end of day it only matters who I love. No one can decide for us, and we have decided on each other. We gather wisdom from the more mature of the adults such as Gabby Gifford. Her marriage (even before her tradgey) was seemingly thin because her husband was literally off-planet at times. But they loved each other enough that every moment together was precious. The excitement of love can wear off in some relationships, but when I think about when I first met “the one” I thought I heard angels singing. You know when you know, and I hope things are still going well for you!
This is a great post. Everyone seems to be in agreement here. I love hearing these loves stories. Where was I all this time? I didn’t meet Justin until I graduated high school and he was living with you haha All that time I thought Jenna lived with you and one day I walked in and saw his clothes hanging in your closet. lol I didn’t find out you two knew each other when you were young until fairly recently.
funny how those things happened to us.. we both ended up working with chris and justin, and meeting them randomly throughout our lives starting around the age 15 or so. interesting huh!?
I’m not even sure if you know how/when chris and I met. Chris and I first saw each other when I was in 10th grade– in a leotard lol I was in his gym practicing and he was coaching at the time. We didn’t speak to each other though. Then, we met “for the first time” (spoke to each other)- and I remember it like it was yesterday. We were at a meet- the gym was called Gym City.. and we were coaching for two different teams. It was the first meet I was in charge of the kids myself at a rotation and I asked him a question about how much time they got to warm up on the event. Later on, during awards, we were kind of inching our teams closer together. We were introduced, and I remembered his voice sounding “raspy” like whispery kinda (which i dont really notice anymore. do you notice it still??) and i loveddd it. After the meet, we left.. and I thought about him from time to time in little insignificant ways. I had a boyfriend, and I wasn’t “crushing” on Chris, but I would be getting ready to go to meets and the thought would cross my mind “I wonder if that coach will be at the meet today..” but I never really thought of WHY i was wondering that. THEN…. after that meet, we stopped for dinner at the same place and spoke again, but very briefly. My phone kept ringing and I was stepping away from the group conversation. Some funny things were said by him, to another coach, that eventually got back to me– but i dont really want to post that part publicly lol and then we didn’t see each other for a while. UNTIL… NYC. I was taking my team down to watch the Visa Cup.. and so was he. We ran into each other randomly on a street in NYC, he was going to the American Girl doll store with his kids. hahaah i thought it was cute and made fun of him for it.. . and secretly wished one of my students would say “Oh coach nikki can we go there? i wanna go too!” but.. no luck. we parted ways again. THEN…. we ran into each other at Best Buy watching a local band play and later that night i saw his friends at a party and got all giddy thinking it would mean he was going to come too- but no such luck. all of this time i never actually realized I had a thing for him, i just always got that feeling when I was going to see him or maybe would see him. It’s like when you’re getting ready for the day and they cross your mind. It’s not TOO significant, but it makes you think hmmm maybe i will do my hair today after all, and the thought of running into them crosses your mind lol ya know? Anyway. this is long but i figured I’d share it with you. You’d think we would know those things, right? Oh and then finally… to end it– we ended up having to share a hotel room for 4 days when we went away to a regional meeting with gyms from throughout the region.. and our other coaches bailed on us, leaving us to fend for ourselves home. We met a nice guy that took us home, and needless to say… the awkwardness made us bond. In fact, we went out for a drink one night with coaches from all over.. and we both got hit on– by the same girl. (who we just ran in to.. 3 years later lol) hahaha And to make a long story short.. all the right things happened, which seemed like all horrible things at the time.. and now we coach together, happy and a great team together- people say its impossible to work together. I know we will work as a couple and parents together because we are able to coach a team together- we have out moments for sure.. it IS stressful to work together, but we’re pretty darn good at it lol and thats my story.
I was barely 20 and my husband 22 when we got married. We both had a few years of college left, but we felt like it was the right thing to do and both of us wanted it. A lot of my friends made comments like “I can’t imagine being ready for marriage while in college”, but they didn’t bother me. To me, being married in college isn’t all that different from being single in college. I was poor before, and I’m still poor. I worked and went to class before, and I still do it now. I do like my “roommate” a lot better and my house is cleaner. We don’t have kids yet, but I feel the “young love” stigma sometimes. However, my husband and I are completely capable of handling it, and we love each other very much. We’re getting close to finishing up with college, we will have enough money for a down payment on a house when we graduate, and are looking forwards to good careers in fields that we love. It seems like those are pretty reasonable life choices for people our age, even if we are married.
Michelle, this made my day. I’m glad this was on my news feed. I am so incredibly happy for you. I haven’t found mine but you’ve found yours and that’s amazing. You have a beautiful family.
Thank you Kim!
I’m new to your blog but I’m in love. My husband and I’s story is a lot like yours and we still have people doubting us and our parenting skills. We just like to think that when Chloe is a teenager we’ll be the hip young parents she and her friends come to for advice
) Anyway I just wanted to say thanks, you’ve kind of made my April
Nicole you WILL be the hip parents! I promise.
My husband and I do not have any kids but I know exactly how you feel. Just know that as long as your baby is healthy, smiling and happy you are doing amazing job!
Though I don’t know you I know you’re doing a good job. Older generations never believe younger generations know what they are doing, no matter what it is.
Keep up your good work!!
And this article is very touching. My husband and I go through the same things. We got together when I was 20 and he was 23. We just got married last August but we walked into this relationship with very specific needs and expectations and we have never been happier. Yes we’ve had extremely tough times(financially) we have never had a serious problem. Our families have never said anything but you can watch them disapprove. Oh well, we’re happy and that’s what matters!
Shel, I couldn’t find a more perfectly matched couple anywhere in the world. Love that you guys are so in love <3
Thank youuu Jenna! Feels like yesterday we were at that party and you were sneaking around the house to see what he was saying haha. I need to be updated on your city life.
hi..i really love your blog..although we don’t have the same situation because i’m a single mom in my 20′s but i have an aunt and uncle who has the same situation as yours..they married at the age of 18(both of them) and 24 years later, they are getting stronger..I admire your courage and positive thinking..my best wishes to your family..
p.s.i love the pic with your husband and child..i really love it..makes me wanna dream for the right man for me and my child..if ever it will come true..
I’d never suggest that young relationships can’t work out – they can – but they certainly would not have worked for me. If I had met my husband at 19, there is not a chance we’d be married today. He was a very different person back then. Had we met and married, divorce would have been in the cards for sure. I’m very glad I didn’t meet him until I was in my mid-20s.
My husband is older than me, but we saw embarking on marriage as creating an idealised symbolic structure to strive towards for the rest of our lives together. I honestly believe that the promises we made to each other that day, helped us to embrace a somewhat surprising pregnancy, which led to the beautiful baby boy whom we parent together today. We never went into this thinking that marriage was an easy fix, or just a good excuse for a party. It was with self awareness and gravity that we swore, in front of over a hundred of our nearest and dearest, that we would revel in the good times, and work hard in the bad times.
In some ways the advantage of marrying young is the expectation that you are both going to change as you ‘grow up’. There can be a tendency to think of adults of a particular age, over 25 I guess, as being fully formed people. Truth is that none of us is stagnant. Experiences, contact with various people at all stages of our lives resonate into who we are and who we become. People are constantly changing. Parenthood changes people! Perhaps a challenge of getting together later on in life is feeling unprepared when some of those changes occur.
Honestly, I hate this assumption. Not necessarily because there aren’t facts to back it up (there certainly are), but because I don’t want it to be true for me and my boyfriend. We both know that the odds are against us, but I can’t help but hope.
I met my hubby at 18, got married one year later at 19, we moved 7 times in 3 1/2 years, quit our jobs to become self-employed (full-time) touring musicians and are together at least 95% of the time because of our job/lifestyle. In August we had our sweet baby girl who now travels with us. We wrote our own vows and included the very words “divorce is not an option” because we wanted to make it clear that even as young as we were, it wasn’t the love getting us through the hard days, it was our commitment to each other and to God that would make our marriage last.
We are coming up on 6 years, and while that isn’t a lifetime or anything, I have never felt so happy or excited about the future. We trust God on a daily basis to help us grow closer together. I always encourage young couples that it IS possible, but it’s possible through a LOT of hard work and total commitment, honesty and integrity on the part of both spouses. It’s not for everyone, but it is possible
Thanks for highlighting the joys of young families! I am loving reading a blog focused on younger mamas!
It’s like the whole 50% of people get divorced thing. Where you start to factor in the amount of people who get divorced over and over again. Yes, young marriages fall apart because some young people get married for silly reasons and don’t think it through. Also, yes, being married young is harder because there is less support structure. You are correct, when you marry young, and life gets rocky, it’s harder to get advice because most of it sounds suspiciously like, “well, it was never going to last anyway.”
90% of the people sitting at our wedding assumed we’d get divorced before the year was out. I found out later, that included my maid of honor. This summer will be 15 years.
I’ve seen marriages and divorces since then. I know a few things:
Yes, young marrieds grow and change, but so do people who marry later. Being young, that gets drilled into our heads, so we have the opportunity to let our marriages grow and change with it, and hopefully the flexibility.
My friends are in their thirties, getting married, and, oddly enough, they’re going through all the things we went through. Only their support system is there for them to whine to, and tell them that this is all normal and possible to survive. Whereas ours just cringed like a bomb was going to go off.
That after 15 years of trials that made us stronger and growth that made us more interesting, I’m thankful in a way that our support system made it a little harder. We learned quickly that the only people we could count on to keep our marriage strong were the two of us. We learned to try hard at it, to defend eachother, and work together, we learned to forgive ourselves and others quickly, because we still loved the people who could support us. We’ve survived living in four states, following dreams, infertility, and so much more.
So, doomed? No. Harder in the beginning? Yes. But in the long run, maybe even much better.
And one of the best moments of my married life? The moment my mother, who didn’t think we’d make it, told the priest, who wouldn’t marry us because we were too young, that his twenty year old daughter’s marriage might just make it. “Look at them,” she said point at me. EXACTLY.
BEAUTIFUL! Thank you for that thoughtful, encouraging comment.
My husband and I started dating when I was 18 and he was 20. My parents said to me so many times we would never make it. That we were too young. That it wouldn’t be enough to love each other. Well, they were wrong. 10 years later and we are strong. We aren’t exactly young parents, having only 1 child who is 7 months old us being 28 and 30, because we did wait to have kids until I was done school and we bought our house. We are the best of friends, and can still make each other laugh harder than anyone else. It is work, any, every, relationship is. But it is soo worth it. I know a lot of 40 somethings who haven’t gotten it any more figured out than some 18 year olds. Age is a number, not a mentality.
I’m happy I happened upon this blog! I met my husband when I was 17 and he was 23. We got married 2 days before I turned 20, had our first child shortly before I turned 23, the second child after I turned 24, and our third child shortly before I turned 26. We have been together for 10 years and married for 8 now. My parents were adamantly against it since I “had never had a serious relationship before” and because he was older and already living on his own. But what can I say, when you know, you know! We are a great match. We have similar backgrounds and values, have gone through similar struggles, and have the same commitment to our marriage and family.
In my church, I had a few friends who got married and started families young, so there wasn’t much judgement there, but many of them lived far away from me because of their husbands schools or jobs. With my friends from school it was hard (and still is). They are just now getting married, and probably won’t start families for another 5+ years. So it is sort of like living on different planets right now. For a long time it was hard to hang out because they were still searching for someone and doing all the activities that revolve around that and I was already “settled”. But now I am the one that they often talk to for advice on marriage and beginning a family.
In the community I often feel like I am looked at as white trash or something. Like “oh, that poor girl with all those kids and so young” Like I am disadvantaged in some way, or like my lifestyle is full of poor choices. In reality, each of my children were planned for and wanted, I am happy with where my life is going. Sometimes I wish I could wear a sign or something that says –
“Yes, they are all mine. They are 15 and 22 months apart respectively. I am 27. Yes, I have my hands full. No, I am not planning on having any more. Not that any of these facts are your business. Have a nice day.”
I have faith in my husband and in our marriage. I know that we are on the same page to protect our marriage and family. I always wanted to be a young mom so I could run and play and enjoy my kids, and I am!
I’m 29 currently. My husband is 34. I had my first child when I was 18 and spent 2 years as a single parent, making my way through college and working FT alone. Then I met my husband, and no one thought it would work. Add to that him moving halfway across the country for his first year of graduate school just 2 months into our relationship and people thought we were crazy. Still, we were married soon after (at the end of the school year; I was 21 and he was 26) and he transferred to a school here. We had our first child together immediately. Eight years later and four kids under our belt? I love him more than the day we met, and I wouldn’t change a thing.
In a different tale of young love, my brother-in-law and his wife grew up together, knowing each other since they were in diapers, and then they dated from the time they were 13 until they got married at 19. They have 4 kids, 16 years of marriage and one of the most solid marriages I’ve witnessed.
i think that something brought them together my parents were once in love and made a wrong choice when they were young and ended up having me. But they always told me that they dont regret having me and they will never regret their past together. They are now divorced and my mom has left us in the dust. But my dad still stays strong and believes that she will someday find her way back home to us. He has unconditional love for her even though she has made some wrong decisions while being divorced and apart from us. But he still stays strong to his word. But i do believe in young love because I have my parents for an example and I am in love with my boyfriend and we are only freshmen in college. We plan to get married after we graduate and I believe that it will work out. Of course it will be rocky and there will be tough times but thats how every relationship is. If both of us work out then of course we are going to be happy together in the long run.
My boyfriend and I met in the second grade and we remained a constant but very much a background figure in each others lives until he found me on facebook this year while he was in afghanistan. And in the few days we just talked, it clicked. And now I have never been happier, its a long distance thing but who knows where this will go. As long as we are both happy right now, the future outcome does not matter.
email me. You’ve got to be angry by now. Look at your comments. They’re ALL on you’re side. You wrote an opinionated blog and only accept those that agree with you. Because (in your particular case) that would mean that your whole perception of destiny with your husband can be challenged. And that would basically end your world. But if you really believed it was destiny you wouldn’t be scared of opposition because truth would win out. Like I said. you’re a a coward.
I am a 19 year old and I’ve been with the same guy for 3 years now and we’ve been holding on even through long distance to wait it out for a tiny bit so we can be together. We love eachother so much and want to spend our lives together. People seem to underestimate us because of our age but we’ve seemed to make work what some 30 or 40 year olds were unable to do. As far as growing apart.. we’ve managed to grow in the same direction… So its nice to see that all those things that people try to say, aren’t personal. They just don’t believe it because they can’t do it.
I’m really glad I came across this post. I’ve read a lot of the responses and they are all really inspiring. I met my husband when I was 17 and he was 24. We’ve always really loved each other and we got married this past fall (10/10/10) It has been a really rough first year for us. His father is terminally ill and we moved to a new country…all on top of our first year of marriage. It is really inspiring to read all these stories of people who can make it work from a young age and it has really helped remind me that if we work hard enough that we can really make it work. Thank you to everyone who shared their story.
I love this post. Young love is possible, it could even be the norm if people were more supportive of it. In a world where I’m surrounded by divorces, almost all of my friends parents, my parents, my parents’ parents, the majority of couples I’ve met who have lasted, truly lasted, got married anywhere from age 17 to age 22. I think when you’re young, you BELIEVE in love more. You aren’t looking to be with someone that can support your family, or will help further your career, or the safe choice. You’re looking for someone you’re IN LOVE with, and you BELIEVE than any obstacle can be overcome with love. That’s true, love can conquer anything… but only if you believe it can.
My wife and I dated for 4 months, when we married she was 18 and I was 21. We had our first child almost 9 months to the day after our wedding. We are celebrating 21 years together in august and are still very much in love. People kept saying to us “why? you’re so young” but there was never any doubt between us.Young love does work if you both look at it long term. its not the destination its the journey.
I can attest to the power of young love. I have been dating my girlfriend since the age of thirteen years old, and I had my first crush on her at twelve. 7 years later we are 5 hours apart at different schools and yet I couldn’t imagine life without her. We went through a lot together and even after a lot of my family didn’t like our relationship we stayed together and I don’t regret a moment of it. Love is love, regardless of what age you are.
I think in todays society it is very rare to see a REAL relationship. A relationship where you dont care what anyone says or thinks. And I wish that people that are in good real love relationships, would/should talk about it. Encourage others to be with who they truly want to be with, despite age, possible parenthood and what others think
I’ve been hearing negativity a lot lately about my relationship with my boyfriend because we’re young and will graduate college soon and most don’t think we’ll make it. Thank you for this story, I really needed it.
My husband and I were married a year ago when I was 19 and he was 20. We went to high school together but never had an interest beyond friendship until one night. Being his friend I went to his house to just talk like we often did, while sitting on his roof. I rememeber just looking over at him and he was someone new to me. Suddenly I noticed how kind and chizzled his face was, how much he had grown into a man. We are very happy, and often sit back and give thanks that we are so lucky to have each other.
I agree with you 100 percent. My husband and I are young, in our mid 20′s and almost daily someone feels the need to ask “but do you think it will last?”. My answer to them is always the same “If i didnt, i wouldnt have said yes.” Its amazing how some people are so quick to judge a relationship based upon age. I can tell you that what I have with my husband I have never had with anyone else. He is my soul mate, my best friend and everything I could ask for in a partner. Just because we both have not hit our 30ith birthday yet doesnt make our love for each other an less of just that, love.
I don’t believe theres anything wrong with young marriages, i just turned 20 my boyfriend is 22 and we’ve been dating for 3 years, I plan to marry him and have children with him one day <3. we talk about it all the time, though i fear sometimes that were too young, i know it in my heart that were meant to be and they we will make it through anything.
I agree! People always say that young relationships don’t work out, and though I’ve only been with my boyfriend for a little more than six months, I love him more than anything. He understands me more than any one of my friends or family members ever have; we just click on an entirely different level. And though I know we’re both young and this relationship is new, I feel like he’s the guy I’m going to marry, and that no other will do. Yes we plan on waiting years more before we even start planning anything, but we both feel made for one another, so I hate when people say that young love is meaningless.
You have definitely struck a chord with me, at 24, looking at my 2 year old, having just sent my husband off to work. He is eight years older than me, but I experience prejudice both for having a child, and for having married a foreigner. His family won’t even look at me; nor their own grandchild. Americans are afraid for me; his family afraid for him. Everyone is divorcing, and everyone says we will get divorced.
It is our constant reminder of our love; our own determination, and our capability realized through compromising, that we march on.
I have to admit I didn’t read all the comments, but I had to add my thank you. My husband and I met when I was 16 and he was 26 just divorced with 2 kids to raise on his own. Everyone said there was no way it would work, with the age difference and a teenager trying to be a mom to kids that she wasn’t even old enough to have. Three years later we found a house together, 2 years later we got married, and now 2 years after that we are expecting our first child together. And because it’s so perfect for this, a quote…
People said it would never work out
Living our dreams has shattered all doubts
It feels good to prove ‘em wrong
Living our love song
-Jason Micheal Carroll
I married my husband when he was 20 and I was 17. It’s been almost 3 years since then, and we are, I believe, even happier and perfectly at harmony with each other then when we first said “I do”.
We had everyone we knew telling us what a horrible idea it was, and that we shouldn’t go through with it. We decided to believe in our love for one other rather than the advice of our divorced parents, and boy am I glad we did. I can’t imagine myself being anywhere else in life than I am right now. I’m a firm believer in the idea of “true love”.
I just have to say thank you for this post, it made me smile. My husband and I started dating when we were 16, and just got married last November at the age of 21. We have been through many ups and downs in our relationship, and we have grown as people and as a couple. There is no one else on this earth who would make me as happy as he does, and I feel lucky I found him so young! Keep up the positive message, I look forward to being a regular reader from now on.
Wow…just stumbled onto your post. Crazy thing is I just posted on this myself. Hubby and I met in the Navy when we were both 19, and I just shared our love story on my blog! It was best friends first, then mutual strong love, then a 3 year separation due to being in the military stationed on opposite sides of the world (Hawaii and Florida).
Feel free to stop by and read our story. It has a happy ending
http://creativekitchenadventures.com/2011/05/15/navy-life-our-long-distance-love-story/
Thank you for writing. Thank you.
I’m 18, and engaged.
So many times I’ve heard “you’re crazy” and “you need to be with at least 5 guys before you settle”, I’m glad there are people out there that think differently
I’m reblogging, part of this, with a link, if you don’t mind
I loved reading this post. I actually stumbled upon it. My parents got married when they were 16 and 20 because they were expecting a baby girl. That baby was me. I am almost 20 years old mow and they are still together and the happiest people I have ever met. They are still so very much in love. I have three younger sisters now, one of which is adopted. When I find my other half, like my mother did, I hope to have the same love that my parents share.
Thank you for writing this. Lately I’ve been feeling discouraged by society. My boyfriend and I haven’t been together for years and years but I know he’s the one I want to spend my life with. We’re young but we’re not stupid. I hate how people think that just because we are young and that we do have a child together but we’re not married that we’re doomed. I love him. I love our daughter. This post gave me hope when I almost lost it all.
I really enjoyed this story. My husband and I met when I was 13. Our first date was to go to the midway. We date exclusively from the time i was 15 and he was 17. We have now been married 31 years and are both in our early 50′s. We believe we were and are soul mates. It can and does work even when you are “too young” as they say.
These posts really means a lot to me. I’m 18 and my girlfriend is 16, but we started dating when I was 15 and she was 13. we’ve gone through high school together, never breaking up once. Like I’ve seen in other posts, yeah sure we’ve had our ups and downs.. but we’ve always made it through. I’m headed off to college soon down at Purdue.. nearly five hours away..and I was worried about it for the longest time. It’s really fantastic to see that other couples have gone through similar experience as us. Thank you.
I needed to read something like this right now. My boyfriend and I met when we I was a sophomore and he was a freshman. I already had a boyfriend when we met, but I could never get him out of my head. A year later we started dating, and no one thought it would last because we were both such huge flirts and had never been really serious about anyone. And yet, we both just knew we weren’t going to let go of this one. My senior year my parents banned us from seeing each other because in their minds we were too serious. I moved out last summer on my 18th birthday. I am not someone who likes to step outside my comfort zone, so this whole thing is terrifying for me. But I know we can make it through anything because every time he looks at me or holds me, the world just melts away and I know everything will be okay, because I will have him.
My husband and I have been together for over 6 years. I turn 24 on the fourth of June.. he turns 22 in mid July. We’ve been together since High School and our love and commitment to each other could not be stronger.
He’s my soul mate, and even if we can’t have children (my body won’t allow me to carry), he’s still there for me, no matter what. He’s had to go through things that I wished desperately that no one had to. He’s had to see me at my sickest, most frail, angry and uncontrollable …. and yet not only did he stay, he makes me remember who I am and it just makes us grow.
Communication is the difference between success and failure.
Not true. Young relationships can work if you have long-term compatibility and not just infatuation and an immature love for each other. How do you know if you have long-term compatibility; if you’re meant for each other? The best answer to this question that I’ve found is by author Hayden Dane, who argues in his brief e-book at http://www.haydendane.com that long-term compatibility between two people exists if you admire in him what he admires about himself, and vice versa. I know, it’s not something you’ve probably thought of, but it makes a lot of sense if you read the book. It’s a short book; a quick read, but the insight is timeless.
I’ve had fun reading these posts and “remembering when”. Most of you have said you started out young… and have been married several years. Well let me top you all! lol My husband and I started dating at 18, and married at 20. Had our first of 2 kids at 23…. and in a few months will be celebrating our 27 wedding anniversary! We have been best friends for almost 30 years now and both kids in college has left us back at the beginning with time for just each other and still young enough to enjoy it all. It does work if you are willing to be there for each other and work at love and communication.. Good luck to you all
I love this story! My hubby and I have been through the ringer, of other people doing their best to break us up, family being the worst. We’ve had all kind of interference, but we just kind of shut it all out, and did our own thing, that’s the only way we found any bit of peace. Yet my mother-in-law still actively tries to break us up from time to time. Even though we have a kid. I think people will always have something to say, some people are so mean. Young love doesn’t work because young people are taught not to take it seriously, but relationships, even at junior high level have to be taken with the upmost seriousness. You never know who’s the “one.”
This post, and all of these comments make me feel so reassured. I’m 17, and about to go off to college in Boston, while my boyfriend of 4 years is going to stay in Maine to go to school. Ryan and I have loved each other since halfway through freshman year, and I can’t imagine trying to get through high school without him. We’ve grown up so much in the past 4 years, and I love him even more today than I ever have. He’s my best friend, my rock, and the only one who makes me feel truly loved and beautiful. Lately everyone has been asking what we are going to do next year, so far away from each other. The truth is, it hasn’t really fazed either of us. We both knew where we were going when we started going out, and it’s always just been an inevitable fact. I just really wanted to thank you guys for all of your wonderful comments, and your original post Michelle. No one thinks that young relationships work,and no one has any hope for me and Ryan. Thanks to all of you, I’m hopeful that Ryan and I can make it through.
I totally understand where you are coming from! I’ve just started this relationship and we’re still in highschool. I tried to explain to people how much we’ve been through and how truly in love we are but sometimes I find it’s best to keep it to ourselves. Young love isn’t for everybody, and I respect that. I just hope that they respect me in return. In the end, I have his love and that is all that matters to me.
Wow. I totally agree (even though I’m like 2 months late on this). I’m 15. And my boyfriend is 19. 4 years difference. We’ve been together for nearly 2 years, and we don’t have sex. If he wanted sex he would’ve left me a long time ago. We care for each other and love each other deeply. Yes, we have our ups and downs, and I’m no love professional, but the only thing that makes me doubt our relationship is the negative comments from those older than us. I, too, get the “He only wants one thing,” comment all the time. Oh really? Why hasn’t he left yet? Okie, now I’m rambling. But I agree with you. Completely.
According to US statistics, the percentages of those getting divorce for men and women who married in their early 20′s are about 29% and 36% respectively.So I would definitely agree that getting married at a very young age makes one more likely to get divorced. There are valid reasons for divorce such as infidelity and abuse in the marriage,but many of the couples who marry young seem to divorce for trivial reasons.They don’t believe in making their marriage work,which saddens me because I believe that marriage ought to be for life.
I’ll be turning 25 this December. My husband turns 24 this August. We actually met one another when we were 12 years old. Started Dating at 15. We were planning our wedding and despite multiple types of contraception at the time I got pregnant at 19. Yes we’ve had ups and downs even a few breakups, but we could never really stay away from each other. Even when we were not together, he’d walk 5 miles to my house with a freshly made cd and my favorite drink, just because he knew I was feeling sad. Our families thought we were to young to do everything we’ve done. But we’ve been together for almost 9 years now, 4 of them married. Have a wonderful 4 year old daughter and we live on our own without any financial support from family or friends. We couldn’t be happier. I think if your willing to truly try and to follow your heart, young relationships can thrive.
I completely agree with this post. I mean, those people that say you have to play the field or that you’re too young to know what true love is clearly have never experienced it. My boyfriend and I are both only 21, we’ve been together 2 years, and spent most of the time in different cities. We’re each other’s first relationships and I can’t and don’t want to imagine myself with anyone else. People may say I’m too young and naive and don’t know what I’m talking about, but they are wrong. Age doesn’t mean maturity. Once you find you’re spouse, you just know. And that’s just me, that’s not even mentioning my two best friends in similar situations.
wow, this is kind of happening with me and one of my exes. we are both 17 and he’s always there in the background of my life. no scratch that in the middle ground. he’s quite literally the only ex that i am legitimate friends with. i dont know if i ultimately want to end up with him but if it does i know ill be happy.
This also really gives me hope. I’m only 17, and my boyfriend is only a year and a half older then I am, but we met when I was 13, and we started dating then. We went through a rough time recently and broke up, but now we are really growing back together and plan on getting back together. Although I have been told countless times we will never marry each other, we will never make it out of high school together, and although I am still young, I have so much hope. We have made it 4 years together and I am very sure I love him and he loves me too. This story makes me confident that this could work if we both want it too =)
I’m 20, and I met my first love at the tender age of 13. We barely spoke for 2 years, then became best friends. We finally got together when we were both nearly 17, spent one happy year together, then broke up for a year as things were getting tough. We barely spoke for that year (once or twice!) but then I went to see him and it was amazing, like our souls that were once conjoined had reuinited. We’ve been together again for nearly 2 years, and have split up again. Tis true that young love can work, but sometimes not… We are beautiful together and I will always love him, I just wish we met later in life when we were both ready and experienced enough to handle this love. Further along, we just may be back together, who knows.
This was so inspirng. I met my boyfriend when i was about 11 and started datung at 12. About 5 years later we’re still dating and preparing to go to university apart from eachother. This article gives me hope for whats to come!
I’m so glad I read your post and all of the comments that people have made on it! My boyfriend and I are both 18 and we’ve been together for 2 1/2 years. We are going to go to university together, but I receive a bit of judgement from my family members and friends who don’t understand how we can make the decision to stay together even at this young of an age. Although we both plan to get through college before thinking about marriage, I can’t help but think of how socially acceptable and expected it was 60 years ago for a women to get married by the age of 20 or so, and begin married life right after high school! Now people have a problem with long, committed relationships that continue after high school, and people are filled with doubt about our future. I think a lot about the fact that the brain won’t finish developing until 25, and I wonder if by then it will be “safe” to assume that my boyfriend and I will make it together for the rest of our lives. Your post and the comments have provided me with the evidence and encouragement that I need to believe that we really can make it through college together, despite popular belief. Thank you.
[...] haven’t talked a lot about my husband or our marriage, besides my optimism about our young relationship. Yet, right now, it’s probably the biggest “thing” in my life. The [...]