I received an email the other day from a young pregnant woman, Christine, still trying to process her unexpected pregnancy. She recently landed her dream job (a few months before finding out the news), hasn’t told her employer yet, and is scared that becoming a mother will hold her back from the professional goals she still desperately wants to achieve. It’s not that she doesn’t want to be a mom, but she doesn’t want to lose herself in the process.
I had a lot to say to her because this is exactly how I felt too. I felt like everything I had worked towards, everything I had planned, was a waste. Much like Christine, I wanted to be a mother, but I didn’t want to lose the other goals I had set for myself. Goals that would probably be easier to achieve without another life to take care of. I was terrified. Lost.
And after a year of hemming and hawing, weighing my options at a job I didn’t love, I decided to take the leap and chase my dreams. Of course I’m not a Features Director at a magazine in Manhattan, but to be honest, that’s not my dream anymore. I was so determined to not let pregnancy “define” me, to hold on to my ambitions and goals, but there’s no way you can prepare for how motherhood will change you. And I wish I could have known that everything would turn out better than I had expected back when I was stressing and worrying, especially during my pregnancy. That’s not to say I didn’t struggle in the beginning, and that’s not to say I’m not up answering emails and writing articles between 8 p.m. and 3 a.m., but that’s the balance I’m happy with.
My advice to Christine? If you have a drive and ambition, don’t silence it. Be persistent and determined, but also be flexible. It might not be easy — not much about motherhood is — but it can be done. And at the end of the day, don’t we want to teach our kids to follow their passions with courage?
I know that plenty of women feel that their only calling is motherhood, but that’s not the case for everyone. And because every profession is different, I’m opening it up to you: How did you successfully balance your professional dreams with an earlier-than-expected pregnancy? I know Christine could use some positive role models right about now.
If you have a question you’d like to get out there in the early mom community, email me at michelle@earlymama.com or post it on the Early Mama Facebook wall.
6 Comments to Reader Question: How Do I Balance My Professional Dreams with Motherhood?
Fannie
April 27, 2011 at 9:10 pm
I can’t say how it all works out… because I’m pregnant right now. I’m in the middle of graduate school and although I thought I had it all planned out and knew what to expect – I’ve had a few unexpected speed bumps and changes. And dealing with the changes was difficult. Crazy pregnancy hormones didn’t help. I went from happy I was pregnant to unhappy four times a day.
I’m trying to keep a positive outlook. And I’m trying to keep reminding myself that although I don’t know how everything is going to work out – I have my ambition, I have my schooling, I have friends and family who support me. Graduate school is going to take me longer than I expected, but both my husband and I are committed to getting me through and making it work. I’m going to keep an open mind about what life is going to be like after my baby is born. I’m sure my life and even my priorities are going to change in ways I can’t expect.
michellehorton
April 27, 2011 at 11:25 pm
I think that’s a healthy outlook, Fannie! Best of luck to you!
Jenna
April 28, 2011 at 11:23 am
i can’t 100% relate because i always knew that at some point, it money worked out i would love to be a stay at home mom.
But i do agree about that you need to be flexible, you will still have goals, & dreams, they just might change a little and i think as long as you give into the change and don’t fight it, you will still be happy with the out come.
christina
April 29, 2011 at 2:56 pm
This is something that my husband and I talked about a lot when we were deciding when we wanted to start a family. We keep reminding each other that kids don’t have to stop you from pursuing your personal and professional goals. Yes, it will most likely slow things down a bit, but we want to show our kids how to live passionately and that its just as important to pursue lofty dreams as it is to be responsible and take care of your family. We’re focused on doing both of those things the best we can. I think the thing to remember (that I keep telling myself) is that the amount of time that your kid(s) need you 24/7 is relatively short. They’ll start school, you’ll go back to work, and you’ll figure out the balance as you grow as a family. I don’t have it figured out yet, but I trust that we will. If you love something enough you’ll find the time to do it.
michellehorton
April 29, 2011 at 5:09 pm
Exactly how I feel, Christina. And to have that mindset with triplets is pretty amazing. I’m surprised you even have time to read blogs!
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