Confession: I lie about my age

I understand the feeling. I turned 25 two days after my son was born. “Oh your so young” “Oh you have no idea what you are getting into” Yeah well I like to do things early, I became a pediatric nurse when I was 19. I’m not some uneducated, child without a clue. I am married (to a man 10 1/2 years older than myself, so that opens more questions and judgment), had a great full time career (now only work day a week), own my home as well as another property that we rent out. My son is happy, healthy and very well taken care of so people really need to back off and not judge what they don’t know.

Also being a younger mama I have the energy need to chase my son and he gets more play time with mama because I can! So there.

A friend just sent me the link to your blog, and I feel like I’m reading about myself and my son! Just like you, I found out weeks after graduating college that I was pregnant. I had Hadyen just after turning 22, and my life is everything I’ve always wanted it to be (with everything happening just a bit sooner than expected). I’m proud that I’ve managed to be a good mother, a devoted wife, and that I’ve achieved my dream career, all before the age of 25. And I think all of us young mothers should be proud of ourselves, just for proving ourselves wrong–finding happiness in a situation that many women, especially ourselves, consider impossible.

here, here!
so nice to find your blog. I’m 24 and mom to a 4 year old little girl. And pregnant with # 2! I married my babydaddy last summer after being together for 5 years.

Every year that I get older, I think “okay, one more year closer to being taken seriously…” :\ I just never know when that magic “mature” age is going to be…

So in the meantime, I try to talk with confidence and “pretend” I’m older than I am, though I’m sure I’m not fooling anyone. It’s too bad I feel the need to do that, but there it is.

Times have changed, and fairly rapidly. When I was 23 if you weren’t married and on your second kid by that age everyone wondered what was wrong and started cautioning that you were on the path to becoming an old maid. Plus it was considered downright foolhardy to have a baby if you were older than 30 (except if you were a practicing Catholic in which case you had kids until you were 50). By the time I decided to have a tubal ligation, without having had any children, at the age of 28, everyone thought I was way too young to be making such a permanent decision since of course women could have children until they were 40.

I was a 21 year old mom and my husband was 20! My husband and I also got the ‘you’re too young’ lines from acquaintances and even ‘friends’. Now, we get the ‘Wow, you’ve been together so long! How do you do it?’ from those same people who are on their 2nd and 3rd marriages and ‘My kids wear me out, good thing you had yours when you were young enough to chase them around!’ From new acquaintances, we get “you CAN’T be old enough to have a son in high school” so it never really goes away, the phrasing just changes.

I had my daughter at 22 and now (at 24) constantly get surprised strangers gasping “Wait… you’re her MOTHER?!?!” followed by a look that clearly show what’s going through their heads “Oh poor thing, another horney young person who got themselves in trouble. Tsk tsk.” If I’m in a good mood it’s kinda funny, but a lot of times I just find it downright insulting. My husband on the other hand, who is only 26, never seems to get the same reaction.

THANK YOU for this. When I got pregnant at the ripe old age of 27, I always got the “pity the young mother” looks and tsk tsks. Even at 28 with an 8 month old son, I look about 19 and find myself saying that I’m 30! Glad to know I’m not the only one who does this. I love the nervous glance to my left hand to check for a ring (yes, married 2 1/2 years) and then the sideways questions about my education (graduate degree). Then the relieved giggle and the “you’ll appreciate it when you’re 40!” line in reference to my looks. My husband and I joke that I should take up smoking and sunbathing so that people won’t find it so unbelievable that I’m old enough to have a baby by choice.

I am so happy to have found your website. It’s nice to see other young mothers out there going through the same thing I am. I am due in December with our first baby. I was married at 20 (he was 24) and was the first of anyone I knew to have married so young…all the comments were the same. Don’t you want to wait a little longer? It’ll never work, you guys are too young, etc, etc. While others may be out “finding themselves” like they’re “supposed to be doing” in their 20′s I have always been confident in who I am and what I stand for. I did not need a decade to go around getting drunk at frat parties and being overall irresponsible. I am thrilled to be a young mother and wife. I am also a nursing student, a homeowner, a saver, a planner, and yes, I own a nice car! (see, I felt I had to defend myself lol)I will have plenty of energy to be with my children, unlike my parents who were often too tired to get out much, and I plan on taking advantage of my years of fertility and avoiding costly procedures later in life. It bothers me to no end that I am judged as a teenage mother would be judged (we all need help, a community, and support, not pity and “advice” that is really only pointing what others feel are your flaws) because I have done things the right way by getting married first, then getting a home, having stable jobs and starting a family (or what is the right way if you’re in your 30′s, because certainly someone in their 20′s is only getting married and having babies because they are irresponsible and learned it from MTV). Sigh…I am a good, responsible person and I will be a good mother, through trial and error, love, and help, no matter my age. People wait until they are “ready”…I’m sorry, but if I waited until things were perfect I would be waiting a long, long time. My mother always said that you’re never ready to be a mother or a wife until you are one, and even then it is a learning process. I live in a time where I have choices, and this is my choice.

I have a 2 year old and just turned 25 in April and sister, you’re getting an AMEN! This is such a huge issue for me. I am constantly getting looks, comments, questions and generally bad treatment (& even exclusion) from other mothers. Enough!!

I just found your site and I so appreciate the things you have to say! I am 21 and have been married for a year this month. While we don’t have any children yet (hopefully soon!), it is so encouraging to know that I won’t be the only young momma out there! I’ll definitely be following and checking in from now on! Thanks for the encouragement and support!

I just wanted to say thanks for this site. I’m 18 weeks pregnant and 22. I feel much older, but I know I look younger, young enough to get dirty looks and mutters about “teen pregnancies.” I’ve been married for almost two years now, and have never been happier. This baby was a surprise too, and I have a new kind of joy I only dreamed of. Thanks for the support, and they very comforting knowledge that I am not alone in this adventure.

I’m so glad I’ve found this blog. I had barely turned 19 when I found out I was pregnant with my baby (she’s 9 months old now). I got a lot of support from the people around me, but I felt like they secretly pitied me. All the looks I got and still get from strangers… My boyfriend is 27, we’ve been together for 2 years. People ask all the time if we’re going to get married, what are plan is, etc. etc… It can get so frustrating. We still have a lot of things to work out but we’re doing it at our own pace. Our daughter makes us so happy. I know it’ll all be worth it in the end. A lot of people said that once I have my baby, it’ll be like I gave up on my own life, my own dreams, but I know it’s possible for me to do it all. It’ll just be a little harder, but I don’t mind.
Thanks again for sharing, I’ll be checking in on this often.

I used to do this too! Being pregnant at 19 I even started wearing a ring on my left hand to avoid dirty looks from old ladies at the grocery store. We got married when our first was almost 2 and waited to have our second until I finished grad school, although I was 7 months pregnant when I finished. Over time I’ve become more confident at admitting my age. I figure, not many women can have a baby, plan a wedding, buy a home, finish graduate school, and be a good mom all at once so I should be proud damnit! Just cause some can’t do it doesn’t mean I can’t. Be proud of your accomplishments and don’t let others’ limitations bring you down!