Moving on

I quit my job!

If you’ve been following this blog, you know how unhappy, how torn, how trapped I’ve felt. How can I leave a “good” job with phenomenal benefits? Should I settle for something safe? Is this what I’ve worked so hard for?

There’s a lot of sacrifices that motherhood requires: Your sleep, your free time, your appearance occasionally. One thing that I’m not willing to sacrifice is my ambition, because if I lose that — I lose myself. My whole life I’ve been described as ambitious, and I pride myself on that. It’s who I am. With my current job, there’s no advancement, no motivation, no challenge. And while I adore the people that I work with — all of whom are very talented, wonderful people — it’s not where I belong. There’s no passion — and if you aren’t passionate about what you’re doing, why do it?

For the past year and a half, my life has been dictated by circumstances and events, until — suddenly — I snapped out of it. What am I doing? Take control! Time wasn’t stopping for my internal debates, and every day that passed felt like another day lost. Another day that I missed of my child’s life. Another day that I felt unfulfilled and unproductive. That’s no way to live. Besides that, every day I felt guilty — and guilt is the product of knowing something you did or feel is wrong.

I think that every mother has to find the balance that works best for themselves, without listening to the unsolicited advice inevitably offered. We weighed our options, figured out how much we were spending on day care and gas and tolls, and thoroughly discussed what was right for us. I’ll be working some nights so that I can have my days with Noah, and hopefully find something part-time in my field that will make me happy, fulfilled.

I don’t have a definitive plan yet — but I have hope. And I’m very excited for the changes.

“To dream anything that you want to dream: That’s the beauty of the human mind. To do anything that you want to do: That is the strength of the human will. To trust yourself to test your limits: That is the courage to succeed.” Bernard Edmonds