09.1.09
This applies to so much about motherhood: Diaper changes. Bath time. Solid food feedings. At first it seems like such a production — Exhausting, sometimes overwhelming. Like, I have to do this every day? Every night?
It’s hard.
And then…it’s not.
The same thing goes for breastfeeding. So why didn’t anyone tell me that? I feel like there’s such a movement to get more women to choose the breast that we’re all fed the same lines: It’s natural. It’s convenient. Oh, and my favorite: If it hurts that means you’re doing it wrong. But when a new mom suddenly finds that the baby won’t latch, her nipples are scabbing and her thoughts are anything but natural — she chalks it up to failure and quits.
So let me be honest:
- For something that is biologically natural, it sure doesn’t feel that way in the beginning. Believe me when I say that we’re not born instinctually knowing how to do this. I imagine the first generations of mothers sitting around their caves, nipples bleeding, breasts engorged. There had to be a trial and error process in figuring this out, then passed down from daughter to daughter. The problem? So many of our mothers didn’t breastfeed. So many hospitals are skimming over the tutorials. I mean, there’s always formula to fall back on. For pregnant mamas who want to breastfeed, I strongly recommend:
- Taking a prenatal breastfeeding class. While we skipped Lamaze — I was unusually confident in my pain management ability — I wasn’t about to mess around with breastfeeding. So about two months before my due date, my husband and I went to a free prenatal breastfeeding class that our birthing center offered. My husband, always the trooper, was the only man in the room. He watched movies where baby after baby after baby latched on to breast after breast after breast. Then, after learning all of the breastfeeding positions, watched as I mock breastfed a doll. An ugly one at that. But I’ll tell you what, I left with not only new information but a sense of confidence.
- Research the process and pitfalls. If you know the hurdles are coming, you’ll know when to jump.
- Locate a local lactation consultant and/or La Leche member. Find out if your hospital or birthing center has a lactation consultant in the building (many do) and INSIST that you meet with her (or him, I guess) before you’re released. I can’t tell you how critical this is. Also, call whenever you have a question. I called my lactation consultant at least four times in the first few weeks. Even when there wasn’t a simple solution to my problem (So much milk! It’s coming out of his nose! One is two times the size of the other!) it was helpful to know I was on the right track. That it was normal and manageable.
- Yes, breastfeeding is convenient — meaning there’s no bottles to wash, formula to buy, late-night bottle warming. But in the beginning? Let’s get something straight: There is a baby attached to your body around the clock. Can we just be honest about this fact? You have to work to make sure he/she is latched on correctly, positioned correctly, and it can take around an hour for a complete feeding. And then an hour later: Oh yeah, you again. I remember there being times when I would go upstairs to take a nap (I was producing such an over-abundance of milk that I would wake up in a puddle of milk, having leaked through my nursing bra, nursing tank top, T-shirt and surrounding sheets) and just as I was about to fall asleep I would hear this sing-song: I think someone’s huuungry. I wanted to throw puppies at the wall. The mere thought of this lasting for a month, six months, A YEAR, was utterly overwhelming. Good thing it DOESN’T.
- If it hurts you’re doing it wrong. What a crock of shit. HONESTLY. Getting a baby to latch on correctly is tricky; a learned process. Chances are your baby will misjudge the latch or improperly pull away or suck just a bit too viciously and OH THE PAIN. Cracking, scabbing, bleeding — yes, these can happen. Here’s a hint: Lansinoh Lanolin is an absolute must-have. But to be honest, your body has and is going through so much: Cramping, bleeding (buckets!), engorgement, and oh yeah, a baby pushing its way through the slit that was your vagina. Sore nipples? Why not. Add it to the pile.
I understand the logic in denying the pain in the beginning: Why deter someone away from breastfeeding because of something that is so brief, so insignificant? But knowing about the turbulent beginning just might prevent ill-prepared, sleep-deprived, insecure and overwhelmed mamas from throwing in the towel.
It took about six to eight weeks for my milk supply to stabilize — and I know this sounds impossible when you’re in week one. But honestly, before I knew it the breastfeeding positions were second nature, the pain completely gone. Now, at six months (a BLINK away from the birth day) I can lift up my shirt and he’ll perfectly latch himself in pitch black. He eats for maybe five minutes, three or four hours apart. Yes, the first month or so is hard, but then…
It’s a natural, convenient, pain-free experience that I wouldn’t trade for all the formula in the world.
15 Comments to It’s hard. And then it’s not.
Guest
September 15, 2009 at 9:15 pm
I love you right now, hilarious and oh, so true!
Guest
September 16, 2009 at 12:13 am
Best thing i've read. And so true!!!!
nikki
April 22, 2011 at 6:30 pm
I’m a maternity ward nurse (and also a mother of 3 with a total of 3+ years breastfeeding so far) and I think this is one of the best things I’ve ever read about breastfeeding.
michellehorton
April 22, 2011 at 6:31 pm
Ah! What a wonderful comment! You officially just made my day. Thanks!
Lisa
April 24, 2011 at 4:57 am
yep. agreed. and right when you feel like you just need a teensy bit more freedom, they start on solids and you get it. it’s hard, but then it’s not. perfect!
Rachel
May 3, 2011 at 4:43 am
I totally agree. I’m so glad I stuck with breastfeeding. I’m still going with my almost 15 month old daughter. I’m one of the lucky ones who has an incredibly high pain tolerance and thought the sore nipples at the beginning were more irritating than painful, but I see a lot of women quit because it hurts! It definitely takes time and practice to get your milk supply normalized… I think mine took 6 to 9 months since I was producing so much. Good luck to all new and soon-to-be mothers! If you want to breastfeed, give it a month to learn before giving up!
christina
May 18, 2011 at 5:48 am
this is a great post. i just finished writing one on my blog about my breast feeding journey with the triplets… http://www.threeleggedrace.us/hows-breastfeeding-going/
Kimberly Bitson
June 14, 2011 at 3:48 am
I always tell my friends that if you can make if through the first couple of weeks, you are good. Let me tell you, it doesnt get any easier with subsequent babies. You start a square one. But I loved nursing. I would have gone well past the year if my stinkers didn’t bite me. LOL.
Brenna
August 3, 2011 at 8:25 am
I was blessed with babies who were born with the knowledge of how to latch on, and having been old enough to be familiar with Mom and some of her friends breastfeeding their little ones, I already knew somewhat what I was doing. I call this “cheating”, hehe.
But each time so far I have forgotten living on hot compresses the first day milk was produced, the general soreness, and the hiss of pain whenever milk let down during the first two weeks. You’d think the third time through I would have remembered, but no.
tom
September 30, 2011 at 5:31 pm
so it will be easy to nurse again and i do also for you
tom
September 30, 2011 at 5:34 pm
practice helps i guess
Samantha
December 13, 2011 at 1:26 pm
Oh my goodness!! Is this true or what!! I love it! Any mother to be thinking about breastfeeding their child needs to read this.. What an inspiration! My son is now 3 months old and I LOVE breastfeeding! And it was SOOO hard in the beginning!
PittmanOfLaMancha
January 11, 2013 at 5:11 am
Thank you so much for this! You humorous take on breast feeding helps so much more than all of the advice I’ve read as I’m struggling to get through an excruciating 17 days. (Yes, I am receiving medical help to fix the problem, but the pain and frustration are still here NOW.) It really helps to know I’m not the only one who wants to throw puppies against a wall.
Thanks again for your honesty!
Ashley Ash
January 17, 2013 at 10:37 pm
I just clicked over to this from your most recent Disney post and I’M SO MAD I DIDN’T SEE IT BEFORE! It took 6-8 weeks for your milk to stabilize too!? I thought I was doing something wrong, maybe pumping too much, so I stopped and have been exclusively nursing since July. It seriously felt like torture and I felt betrayed because no one had been honest about how horrible it could be. Mannn, I still don’t know how I missed this, but it is the absolute truth and I’m SO glad to have seen it so that I can now pass it on! As always, Michelle, your writing knocks my socks off!
Marie
February 20, 2013 at 6:48 pm
How awesome that I am back to work exactly two months after my beautiful baby boy was born. I take a break to pump and find this true, funny, and inspiring story. I am so thankful for the pick me up it has provided. You get so sad returning to work and for me breastfeeding provides an outlet for all that sadness. THANK YOU!!!